GUESS WHAT!!! I can't talk for long because I've got an entire night of TV scheduled (sad but true) but I wanted everyone here to know that he asked me out again!!! He rang me up this time, I have no idea where he got my phone number from, but after a slightly embarrassing conversation where I couldn't actually figure out who he was, he asked me to the cinema!
AND I SAID YES!!!
I think I probably always knew I'd say yes - all that umming and aahring was probably just a defence mechanism in case he didn't ask again, but as soon as he asked (once I'd figured out who it was) I said yes straight away! We're going to the cinema I think, next week once all the crazy New Year stuff is over. Just think how much weight I can lose by then!!!
Which means I'll be starting 2009 with an actual man who is actually interested in dating me! And I can't possibly mess it up before Jan 1st because I'm not even going to see him before then!
I'm noticing I use an awful lot of exclamation marks when I'm writing in this blog. My English teacher always said that they were a lazy way of showing excitement, and that I should let the emotion come through in the language instead. So Sir, if you're listening, I'm really seriously excited. Really.
AND there's a whole night of Sex and the City ahead of me!!
If this doesn't call for a giant party popper I don't know what does!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday 29 December 2008
Saturday 27 December 2008
Post Christmas weighing up
Hello all,
You'll be delighted to hear that I am infact not dead!
Neither have I fallen off the wagon or run away to the Carribean with the guy who asked me out a few weeks ago. I've just been a bit carried away with the whole Christmas thing!
It's been very exciting! First there was the 'what to wear at the Office Christmas Party' debate, which I'm sure you're gutted you missed out on. It was a huge decision of course, being an opportunity to show off the fact that I now have a neck and can walk rather than waddle, as well as being (I thought) the perfect opportunity for that guy to get up a little dutch courage and to ask me out again (no such luck). There've been lots of parties of course, but I haven't been to that many of them this year because a) can't drink, and although I'm not a huge drinker, watching people around me getting steadily more inebriated before collapsing in a corner and blubbering that everyone hates them is not my idea of fun and b) I'm mid-diet and didn't want to buy too many fancy outfits that wont fit me in a months time.
Then there was the whole 'Christmas meal,' which has always been really important to me as a family event and I was upset to think I might miss it, especially as it had been my birthday a few days before and I'd not had a cake or anything (ALTHOUGH, when people can't buy you chocolate as a present, you do get a lot more imaginative gifts, which was GREAT!!!). I got given a list of things I could and couldn't eat on the day, and actually it was quite relaxed. I thought they'd say I could have a slice of turkey and a piece of bread or something, but I was allowed pretty much everything except potatoes (I'm sure I should be able to tell you why, what with all the reading I've been doing, but I have no idea why potatos are so bad. Probably something to do with ketosis. Most things are.)
So that was great. I'm a bit worried now that I'll start craving foods again, especially as there's sooooo much about at the moment, but so far everytime I've had a craving, I've looked at those photos I posted a few days ago and that's got me through it.
I wanted to thank everyone by the way, for being so supportive of those photos. When I took the earlier photos I thought no one would ever see them except for me (Howard's Way recommend taking photos all the time, because actually, even though I've now lost 3 stone in 2.5 months, I wouldn't have thought there was much difference if I hadn't seen them), and it was pretty scary putting them up there, but everyone's been just so nice about it.
So now, as the rest of the country bemoans the fact that they've just eaten enough to feed a small developing country, is petrified of their credit card bill and is giving serious consideration to joining a gym, I'm still plodding away on my journey out of the purple area of the BMI chart, with a spring in my step and a tune on my tongue. Christmas was hard, but I made it. Bring on Easter!!!
You'll be delighted to hear that I am infact not dead!
Neither have I fallen off the wagon or run away to the Carribean with the guy who asked me out a few weeks ago. I've just been a bit carried away with the whole Christmas thing!
It's been very exciting! First there was the 'what to wear at the Office Christmas Party' debate, which I'm sure you're gutted you missed out on. It was a huge decision of course, being an opportunity to show off the fact that I now have a neck and can walk rather than waddle, as well as being (I thought) the perfect opportunity for that guy to get up a little dutch courage and to ask me out again (no such luck). There've been lots of parties of course, but I haven't been to that many of them this year because a) can't drink, and although I'm not a huge drinker, watching people around me getting steadily more inebriated before collapsing in a corner and blubbering that everyone hates them is not my idea of fun and b) I'm mid-diet and didn't want to buy too many fancy outfits that wont fit me in a months time.
Then there was the whole 'Christmas meal,' which has always been really important to me as a family event and I was upset to think I might miss it, especially as it had been my birthday a few days before and I'd not had a cake or anything (ALTHOUGH, when people can't buy you chocolate as a present, you do get a lot more imaginative gifts, which was GREAT!!!). I got given a list of things I could and couldn't eat on the day, and actually it was quite relaxed. I thought they'd say I could have a slice of turkey and a piece of bread or something, but I was allowed pretty much everything except potatoes (I'm sure I should be able to tell you why, what with all the reading I've been doing, but I have no idea why potatos are so bad. Probably something to do with ketosis. Most things are.)
So that was great. I'm a bit worried now that I'll start craving foods again, especially as there's sooooo much about at the moment, but so far everytime I've had a craving, I've looked at those photos I posted a few days ago and that's got me through it.
I wanted to thank everyone by the way, for being so supportive of those photos. When I took the earlier photos I thought no one would ever see them except for me (Howard's Way recommend taking photos all the time, because actually, even though I've now lost 3 stone in 2.5 months, I wouldn't have thought there was much difference if I hadn't seen them), and it was pretty scary putting them up there, but everyone's been just so nice about it.
So now, as the rest of the country bemoans the fact that they've just eaten enough to feed a small developing country, is petrified of their credit card bill and is giving serious consideration to joining a gym, I'm still plodding away on my journey out of the purple area of the BMI chart, with a spring in my step and a tune on my tongue. Christmas was hard, but I made it. Bring on Easter!!!
Tuesday 16 December 2008
CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited about Christmas I can hardly sit down!
I thought a while ago that I wouldn't be able to get excited with the prospect of sitting at the table, sucking on my milkshake, while everyone else stuffs themselves stupid with turkey and brussel sprouts before retiring to the sitting room to fill any remaining belly space with the nasty toffee Quality Streets that have been left.
It's going to be a weird Christmas anyway because it's the first year my big brother Aaron's not going to be there, so I'll miss him nearly as much as I'll miss the food. It's not even the food really, it's just the activity of the food and the togetherness it brings - I'll still do lots of cooking and decorating and stuff, but Christmas is about family and the dinner is one of the few times when everyone is together and there's no arguments or rushing off to talk on mobiles or anything. Everyone else'll be tucking in to something we all cooked while I'll be savouring my oh so nutritous milkshake and I wont feel like a part of the same event/family.
Still, I like to keep traditions going, so I've made the Christmas Log and the Christmas Cake and mince pies and everything. I've mastered my impulses to snack whilst cooking, which was starting to make me look like I had a twitch or a hand that obeyed some unseen shoulder devil. I've found that I quite like cooking just for the fun of it, and I don't particularly want to eat the food I'm handling - its just nice to see other people enjoying it.
God I've changed actually! I've just noticed it as I typed that, but a month ago watching other people enjoying food was like watching them urinating on my grave, and now I'm actually providing them with food! I wonder what brought that on! Guess it must be the fact I'm turning 25 next week!
(see how I got that in all subtley? God I'm cunning!)
I have been told I'll be allowed something a bit different on Christmas day. There's a list of things I'll be allowed and things I wont be, so hopefully it'll include a few tasty bits. I don't know if that's a good thing or not to be honest, I certainly don't want the cravings to come back again but then I want to feel like a part of my family at Christmas. I want to be normal!
I thought a while ago that I wouldn't be able to get excited with the prospect of sitting at the table, sucking on my milkshake, while everyone else stuffs themselves stupid with turkey and brussel sprouts before retiring to the sitting room to fill any remaining belly space with the nasty toffee Quality Streets that have been left.
It's going to be a weird Christmas anyway because it's the first year my big brother Aaron's not going to be there, so I'll miss him nearly as much as I'll miss the food. It's not even the food really, it's just the activity of the food and the togetherness it brings - I'll still do lots of cooking and decorating and stuff, but Christmas is about family and the dinner is one of the few times when everyone is together and there's no arguments or rushing off to talk on mobiles or anything. Everyone else'll be tucking in to something we all cooked while I'll be savouring my oh so nutritous milkshake and I wont feel like a part of the same event/family.
Still, I like to keep traditions going, so I've made the Christmas Log and the Christmas Cake and mince pies and everything. I've mastered my impulses to snack whilst cooking, which was starting to make me look like I had a twitch or a hand that obeyed some unseen shoulder devil. I've found that I quite like cooking just for the fun of it, and I don't particularly want to eat the food I'm handling - its just nice to see other people enjoying it.
God I've changed actually! I've just noticed it as I typed that, but a month ago watching other people enjoying food was like watching them urinating on my grave, and now I'm actually providing them with food! I wonder what brought that on! Guess it must be the fact I'm turning 25 next week!
(see how I got that in all subtley? God I'm cunning!)
I have been told I'll be allowed something a bit different on Christmas day. There's a list of things I'll be allowed and things I wont be, so hopefully it'll include a few tasty bits. I don't know if that's a good thing or not to be honest, I certainly don't want the cravings to come back again but then I want to feel like a part of my family at Christmas. I want to be normal!
Thursday 11 December 2008
A weight off my mind (and body)
I went to see my locum yesterday as a sort of 'half way through' check up. So these measurements are completely accurate and not subject to dodgey scales or wishful thinking.
In 7 weeks since I started I've gone from a hippo-tastic 15'10 to an aerodynamic 13'2! That's 2 stone 8 pounds in 7 weeks! I've lost 13cm from my boobs, 11 from my tummy and 11 from my hips! Doors that I once had to navigate myself through I am now dancing through whilst shaking my considerably smaller booty.
AND my hair hasn't all fallen out, which everyone assured me it would.
AND I've been asked out!
AND I told one of the not very nice people at work to shove off today, instead of muttering sarcastic quips under my breath and then running back to my computer to tell everyone about them on here.
If I had a party popper I'd pop it right now and hang the consequences.
AND, JUST TO REMIND YOU, WEEK 0
Still no news on the man I'm afraid. Haven't even seen him since. Am getting all sorts of very conflicting advice - should I go seek him out myself? Should I flirt with someone near to him (a laughable suggestion, clearly put forward by someone who's never seen me attempting to flirt)? Should I remain aloof and wait? Or should I just chalk it up to experience and remember that I'm not even entirely sure if I like him anyway!?! It's a bit of a conundrum quite frankly!
In 7 weeks since I started I've gone from a hippo-tastic 15'10 to an aerodynamic 13'2! That's 2 stone 8 pounds in 7 weeks! I've lost 13cm from my boobs, 11 from my tummy and 11 from my hips! Doors that I once had to navigate myself through I am now dancing through whilst shaking my considerably smaller booty.
AND my hair hasn't all fallen out, which everyone assured me it would.
AND I've been asked out!
AND I told one of the not very nice people at work to shove off today, instead of muttering sarcastic quips under my breath and then running back to my computer to tell everyone about them on here.
If I had a party popper I'd pop it right now and hang the consequences.
WEEK 7
AND, JUST TO REMIND YOU, WEEK 0
Still no news on the man I'm afraid. Haven't even seen him since. Am getting all sorts of very conflicting advice - should I go seek him out myself? Should I flirt with someone near to him (a laughable suggestion, clearly put forward by someone who's never seen me attempting to flirt)? Should I remain aloof and wait? Or should I just chalk it up to experience and remember that I'm not even entirely sure if I like him anyway!?! It's a bit of a conundrum quite frankly!
Tuesday 9 December 2008
Boys and Girls
Weight: 13.7 - 13.9 (remind me to only use my own scales from now on. The official ones at Tescos clearly hate me)
Had the best weekend ever. After all of the excitement on Thursday I was literally walking on clouds for at least 3 days. Got half way to work on Friday before I noticed I was strutting! (New development by the way, I always took the bus before but I'm finding that I have the energy to walk now, which has helped speed the weight loss up again)
Friday was spent surreptitiously staring at the door in case he came in, whilst breathing in and out as slowly as possible and doing bugger all work. I have no idea how the pretty people ever get any work done at all!
Anyway, he never came in so I've probably blown it completely by my staggering lack of cool and togetherness, but I still spent the entire weekend discussing it in minute detail with my friends. Every look, every gesture, every word of the 5 minute conversation we had was analysed in depth, along with everything I know or have ever suspected about him. Then there was the obligatory trip to the gym, nail painting session, face masks and hair cut. I feel like a new woman! And the weight is falling off too! All this stress is clearly working for me!
Then on Monday, disaster struck. I had a feeling it might happen on Sunday night, a growing dread gnawing in my insides. I woke up on Monday morning and went to the mirror and my worst suspicions were confirmed. I have a spot.
And what's even more annoying is that I really don't get spots. I don't have a huge amount of good features, but my skin has never really caused me any problems or crippling embarrassment. And what have I been eating to cause this? Milkshakes and soups! Not Mars bars and McDonalds like I was a few weeks ago - clearly someone hates me, and clearly they have a vindictive sense of humour.
So, instead of facing my fears and hoping that this guy will accept me for who I am (because that's been working so well for me!) I spent most of the day hiding in toilets and around doors in case I saw him, or trying to work whilst blocking my chin with my hand in case he suddenly appeared.
And frankly I don't even know if I even really like this guy. I hardly know him. Am I just so overcome with gratitude and excitement and the faintest hint of a romance that I'll jump on the first guy who shows the slightest interest?
SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Had the best weekend ever. After all of the excitement on Thursday I was literally walking on clouds for at least 3 days. Got half way to work on Friday before I noticed I was strutting! (New development by the way, I always took the bus before but I'm finding that I have the energy to walk now, which has helped speed the weight loss up again)
Friday was spent surreptitiously staring at the door in case he came in, whilst breathing in and out as slowly as possible and doing bugger all work. I have no idea how the pretty people ever get any work done at all!
Anyway, he never came in so I've probably blown it completely by my staggering lack of cool and togetherness, but I still spent the entire weekend discussing it in minute detail with my friends. Every look, every gesture, every word of the 5 minute conversation we had was analysed in depth, along with everything I know or have ever suspected about him. Then there was the obligatory trip to the gym, nail painting session, face masks and hair cut. I feel like a new woman! And the weight is falling off too! All this stress is clearly working for me!
Then on Monday, disaster struck. I had a feeling it might happen on Sunday night, a growing dread gnawing in my insides. I woke up on Monday morning and went to the mirror and my worst suspicions were confirmed. I have a spot.
And what's even more annoying is that I really don't get spots. I don't have a huge amount of good features, but my skin has never really caused me any problems or crippling embarrassment. And what have I been eating to cause this? Milkshakes and soups! Not Mars bars and McDonalds like I was a few weeks ago - clearly someone hates me, and clearly they have a vindictive sense of humour.
So, instead of facing my fears and hoping that this guy will accept me for who I am (because that's been working so well for me!) I spent most of the day hiding in toilets and around doors in case I saw him, or trying to work whilst blocking my chin with my hand in case he suddenly appeared.
And frankly I don't even know if I even really like this guy. I hardly know him. Am I just so overcome with gratitude and excitement and the faintest hint of a romance that I'll jump on the first guy who shows the slightest interest?
SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Thursday 4 December 2008
omgomgomgomgomgOMG!!!
Today is the happiest I've ever been. This is it. Final. Full Stop. Life could end here and I don't think I'd mind one jot (except that tomorrow could be even better of course...)
Thursday December 4th. The Happiest Day of Ever. The day I got asked out on a date. By an actual boy.
I've been obese for a long time. Since they invented the word really. Needless to say I don't have the boys swooning over me, and part of me had almost stopped caring. Probably a defence mechanism (one of many), but I've just stopped spending my days worrying about boys/romances/crushes because they're so alien to my life.
And I have a good life, a fulfilling life that involves friends and family and laughter. But just not boys. Not romance, not even the hope of one. I told myself I didn't care, but the way I'm feeling right now, if that's how the skinny pretty people feel all the time, then I just can't believe anyone has a need for prozac!
I didn't think people actually got asked out anymore. Not like "would you like to go out on a date with me" anyway. Seems like something that'd happen to Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston or someone. I see people getting together on the dance floor or at parties all the time, but I've never even heard of a guy actually getting up the courage to ask a girl out properly, but it happened today!
And I completely blew it! I was so shocked that I just stared, open mouthed for a good 6 hours, and by the time I did manage to get a word out ("mimblewibble") he was so embarrassed that he ran off, fell over, and will probably never return.
Doesn't matter though, as I suck down my milkshake with slightly more gusto than usual. Because I got asked out. And these brighter clothes are clearly working their magic!
Thursday December 4th. The Happiest Day of Ever. The day I got asked out on a date. By an actual boy.
I've been obese for a long time. Since they invented the word really. Needless to say I don't have the boys swooning over me, and part of me had almost stopped caring. Probably a defence mechanism (one of many), but I've just stopped spending my days worrying about boys/romances/crushes because they're so alien to my life.
And I have a good life, a fulfilling life that involves friends and family and laughter. But just not boys. Not romance, not even the hope of one. I told myself I didn't care, but the way I'm feeling right now, if that's how the skinny pretty people feel all the time, then I just can't believe anyone has a need for prozac!
I didn't think people actually got asked out anymore. Not like "would you like to go out on a date with me" anyway. Seems like something that'd happen to Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston or someone. I see people getting together on the dance floor or at parties all the time, but I've never even heard of a guy actually getting up the courage to ask a girl out properly, but it happened today!
And I completely blew it! I was so shocked that I just stared, open mouthed for a good 6 hours, and by the time I did manage to get a word out ("mimblewibble") he was so embarrassed that he ran off, fell over, and will probably never return.
Doesn't matter though, as I suck down my milkshake with slightly more gusto than usual. Because I got asked out. And these brighter clothes are clearly working their magic!
Tuesday 2 December 2008
Dull and Dreary
Apparently, I'm dreary.
I was informed of this at work today. A lady that I know reasonably well came up and we had the traditional conversation about how well I'm doing, and how much weight I've lost and how she knows someone who could definitely benefit from the same program and can I give her the number (I really think Howard's Way should be paying me for my advertising services, every pound I shed seems to get them another member!)
Anyway, we went through all that, and at the end she casually mentioned that I should go and get some nice, bright colourful clothes to draw a bit of attention to myself. She walked off and I was left looking down at my clothing, slightly perplexed about what she meant. I'm not the kind of person to draw attention to myself much, but surely I dressed the same as everyone else?
Grey shirt, Black skirt, Black tights and black shoes. Topped off with a black coat and scarf. Not about to dazzle anyone. Then I looked around me at the other people in the room. A riot of colours glared back at me, each one screaming for my attention. Greens, Purples, Reds, Yellows, Oranges... and do you know what? I don't have a single one of those colours in my entire wardrobe.
I really don't. I got home and tore everything out and laid it on my bed, and sorted it in to colours. I had four. Black, Grey, Brown and Navy. Four piles. Four choices. None of them exactly eye catching. And I've honestly never really noticed this before!
And all of these girls in my office, the ones who keep getting promoted and getting asked out and who generally seem to have it together so much more than I do, I'm willing to bet that they all have more than four colour choices in their wardrobes.
So I'm going shopping now, and I'm going to be bold and I'm going to be brave and I'm going to at least double my options. I still don't have a body that I'm proud of or want to draw attention to, and I'm only half way through my diet so still have lots to lose (so it's probably a complete waste of money), but I'm sick of being dreary. I'm sick of being passed by. I'm sick of not being worth looking at.
I know that the clothes I've chosen have been almost entirely dictated by my insecurities about my weight, but none of the other girls in my office have perfect bodies (far from it) and that doesn't seem to stop them being bright and confident. My turn.
I was informed of this at work today. A lady that I know reasonably well came up and we had the traditional conversation about how well I'm doing, and how much weight I've lost and how she knows someone who could definitely benefit from the same program and can I give her the number (I really think Howard's Way should be paying me for my advertising services, every pound I shed seems to get them another member!)
Anyway, we went through all that, and at the end she casually mentioned that I should go and get some nice, bright colourful clothes to draw a bit of attention to myself. She walked off and I was left looking down at my clothing, slightly perplexed about what she meant. I'm not the kind of person to draw attention to myself much, but surely I dressed the same as everyone else?
Grey shirt, Black skirt, Black tights and black shoes. Topped off with a black coat and scarf. Not about to dazzle anyone. Then I looked around me at the other people in the room. A riot of colours glared back at me, each one screaming for my attention. Greens, Purples, Reds, Yellows, Oranges... and do you know what? I don't have a single one of those colours in my entire wardrobe.
I really don't. I got home and tore everything out and laid it on my bed, and sorted it in to colours. I had four. Black, Grey, Brown and Navy. Four piles. Four choices. None of them exactly eye catching. And I've honestly never really noticed this before!
And all of these girls in my office, the ones who keep getting promoted and getting asked out and who generally seem to have it together so much more than I do, I'm willing to bet that they all have more than four colour choices in their wardrobes.
So I'm going shopping now, and I'm going to be bold and I'm going to be brave and I'm going to at least double my options. I still don't have a body that I'm proud of or want to draw attention to, and I'm only half way through my diet so still have lots to lose (so it's probably a complete waste of money), but I'm sick of being dreary. I'm sick of being passed by. I'm sick of not being worth looking at.
I know that the clothes I've chosen have been almost entirely dictated by my insecurities about my weight, but none of the other girls in my office have perfect bodies (far from it) and that doesn't seem to stop them being bright and confident. My turn.
Friday 28 November 2008
Good press!
My stupid doctor signed my form today. He looked in to it a bit and did some research, did my medical and it all went fine so he signed. Don't know why he had to make such a big deal of it all, but I've got my signature which will make Howard's Way happy, which means I get my food, which means I can carry on losing weight, which makes me happy!!!
I can't wait until I'm merely 'overweight.' May seem like an unusual stepping block for someone on a diet, but I figure that if I focus all my energies on simply getting down to overweight again I wont get scared. When I've dieted before (I started diets most Monday mornings and they were normally history by lunchtime) I've had a plan to get thin. And thin from obese is quite a long way so I've always given up.
So overweight may not be glamorous, and it may not be what the magazines are telling me I should strive to be, but it'd sure make me happy! My BMI is currently 36, down from 42, but it has to be under 30 before I'm out of the scary orange section on the chart and in to the slightly less scary orange. The Doctor's signed, and I'm on my way (from misery to happiness today)!!!
I can't wait until I'm merely 'overweight.' May seem like an unusual stepping block for someone on a diet, but I figure that if I focus all my energies on simply getting down to overweight again I wont get scared. When I've dieted before (I started diets most Monday mornings and they were normally history by lunchtime) I've had a plan to get thin. And thin from obese is quite a long way so I've always given up.
So overweight may not be glamorous, and it may not be what the magazines are telling me I should strive to be, but it'd sure make me happy! My BMI is currently 36, down from 42, but it has to be under 30 before I'm out of the scary orange section on the chart and in to the slightly less scary orange. The Doctor's signed, and I'm on my way (from misery to happiness today)!!!
Wednesday 26 November 2008
Bad press.
Weight: 13st 12!!!!!
Went to see my Doctor today. I have to do checkups quite frequently on this diet so they can make sure I'm getting enough of everything that I need, and that I'm healthy and happy. For some reason, he refused to sign my form which states that he's happy for me to continue with the diet. He said he didn't have time to spend with someone who was just losing weight, rather than someone who had a 'genuine health concern.' This is the same man whose immortal words "one cheeseburger away from a heart attack" started this whole damned thing!!!
I'm thinner than I've been in about 5 years, I've got bundles of energy, feel just dandy and was, until he said it, happier than I've been in longer than I can remember. So why wouldn't he just sign it?!?!
I don't know what the big issue is with VLCDs anyway. People who haven't seen me for a while say "you're looking great!," but the second I start telling them how quickly I've lost it, or how easy it's been, they suck in their cheeks, look concerned and tell me "it's not healthy to lose it that quick you know."
NEWSFLASH: It's not that healthy being 220lbs at 1.50m either!
It's like just because I've found it easier than chomping down on lettuce leaves for 3 years whilst saluting the sun and going on brisk walks every weekend, doesn't mean that I'm about to collapse of malnutrition! And now it appears that my Doctor is suffering from the same misconceptions, and wants me back to do further tests.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for checking that I'm healthy. That's why I chose the Howard's Way diet over any of the other VLCDs, because they put such emphasis on health, but if I don't get the form signed and handed back to them, they'll ween me off the food until my Doctor signs it, and the last thing I want right now (and I never thought I'd hear myself say this) is normal food! I almost wish Howard's Way and the Doctor cared just that little bit less, and would just let me decide what's good for me based on how I feel.
I know that there was a lot of bad press surrounding Very Low Calorie Diets back in the day before they were properly regulated, and I know that people are scared because of all of the laughable adverts you see for 'miracle diet pills,' (or, as I like to call them, 'idiot tax') but I just wish people would respect me enough to realise that I have researched this, I do understand what's happening in my body, and I can make up my own mind. Just because I'm fat does not mean I'm a dumbass.
Anyway. Rant over. I've given the Doc all of the Howard's Way information, which I've shown to other Doctors before and they've approved, so fingers crossed I wont be back on normal food any time soon, because I'm actually kind of starting to like the shakes. The butterscotch one is not so good, but the rest are bordering on yum.
Went to see my Doctor today. I have to do checkups quite frequently on this diet so they can make sure I'm getting enough of everything that I need, and that I'm healthy and happy. For some reason, he refused to sign my form which states that he's happy for me to continue with the diet. He said he didn't have time to spend with someone who was just losing weight, rather than someone who had a 'genuine health concern.' This is the same man whose immortal words "one cheeseburger away from a heart attack" started this whole damned thing!!!
I'm thinner than I've been in about 5 years, I've got bundles of energy, feel just dandy and was, until he said it, happier than I've been in longer than I can remember. So why wouldn't he just sign it?!?!
I don't know what the big issue is with VLCDs anyway. People who haven't seen me for a while say "you're looking great!," but the second I start telling them how quickly I've lost it, or how easy it's been, they suck in their cheeks, look concerned and tell me "it's not healthy to lose it that quick you know."
NEWSFLASH: It's not that healthy being 220lbs at 1.50m either!
It's like just because I've found it easier than chomping down on lettuce leaves for 3 years whilst saluting the sun and going on brisk walks every weekend, doesn't mean that I'm about to collapse of malnutrition! And now it appears that my Doctor is suffering from the same misconceptions, and wants me back to do further tests.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for checking that I'm healthy. That's why I chose the Howard's Way diet over any of the other VLCDs, because they put such emphasis on health, but if I don't get the form signed and handed back to them, they'll ween me off the food until my Doctor signs it, and the last thing I want right now (and I never thought I'd hear myself say this) is normal food! I almost wish Howard's Way and the Doctor cared just that little bit less, and would just let me decide what's good for me based on how I feel.
I know that there was a lot of bad press surrounding Very Low Calorie Diets back in the day before they were properly regulated, and I know that people are scared because of all of the laughable adverts you see for 'miracle diet pills,' (or, as I like to call them, 'idiot tax') but I just wish people would respect me enough to realise that I have researched this, I do understand what's happening in my body, and I can make up my own mind. Just because I'm fat does not mean I'm a dumbass.
Anyway. Rant over. I've given the Doc all of the Howard's Way information, which I've shown to other Doctors before and they've approved, so fingers crossed I wont be back on normal food any time soon, because I'm actually kind of starting to like the shakes. The butterscotch one is not so good, but the rest are bordering on yum.
Thursday 20 November 2008
A christmas conundrum
I wonder how many bloggers start off by thinking that they'll post every day. And I wonder how long each of them lasts at that.
I think there are good things and bad things about blogging. I love writing it, and I love getting the comments and supports from my fellow bloggers, but the one bad thing is that it does dramatically increase the amount of the day that I spend thinking about the diet and the food that I'm not eating.
Things have settled down in to a pretty good routine at the moment. I've got making and shaking the Total Food Replacements down to a fine art, and I do love not having to spend time thinking about what I'm going to eat when I get home from work. People at work have calmed down now that they've realised that I'm not going to explode/become thinner than them in a matter of weeks. My health is good, my energy levels are great, and the side effects I was experiencing (constipation, dry lips, coldness) have all but vanished.
Yet I can't shake a slight feeling of 'mergh' that I can't seem to describe with an other word.
I think it might be Christmas. I love Christmas, love the build up, love the day itself, love just thinking about it for months and months before hand.... and I honestly never thought before that any part of that love revolved around food, yet I find myself thinking longingly of all the foods that I wont be eating, all the selection boxes that will go unwrapped, and all the puddings that will not melt tantalizingly on my tastebuds.
What does that mean? That I'm so shallow and obsessed with food that the only enjoyment I get from the hi-light of the Christian calendar is cake??? That my love affair with Christmas is really an opportunity to gorge myself without anyone judging me?
Friends and family that I've explained this to, came up with the wonderful advice of simply 'saving' all of the good food until my diet ends 3 weeks after Christmas. Good to know that the art of completely missing the point is not dead! If I save myself a little hoard of cakes and chocolates and puddings ready to tuck into the second the 12 weeks is up, just how long will my new found figure and resolution last? But if I don't, do I really have the strength to miss out on the time of year that I spend at least 11 months looking forward to?
It's a conundrum alright, any tips from more experienced dieters?
I think there are good things and bad things about blogging. I love writing it, and I love getting the comments and supports from my fellow bloggers, but the one bad thing is that it does dramatically increase the amount of the day that I spend thinking about the diet and the food that I'm not eating.
Things have settled down in to a pretty good routine at the moment. I've got making and shaking the Total Food Replacements down to a fine art, and I do love not having to spend time thinking about what I'm going to eat when I get home from work. People at work have calmed down now that they've realised that I'm not going to explode/become thinner than them in a matter of weeks. My health is good, my energy levels are great, and the side effects I was experiencing (constipation, dry lips, coldness) have all but vanished.
Yet I can't shake a slight feeling of 'mergh' that I can't seem to describe with an other word.
I think it might be Christmas. I love Christmas, love the build up, love the day itself, love just thinking about it for months and months before hand.... and I honestly never thought before that any part of that love revolved around food, yet I find myself thinking longingly of all the foods that I wont be eating, all the selection boxes that will go unwrapped, and all the puddings that will not melt tantalizingly on my tastebuds.
What does that mean? That I'm so shallow and obsessed with food that the only enjoyment I get from the hi-light of the Christian calendar is cake??? That my love affair with Christmas is really an opportunity to gorge myself without anyone judging me?
Friends and family that I've explained this to, came up with the wonderful advice of simply 'saving' all of the good food until my diet ends 3 weeks after Christmas. Good to know that the art of completely missing the point is not dead! If I save myself a little hoard of cakes and chocolates and puddings ready to tuck into the second the 12 weeks is up, just how long will my new found figure and resolution last? But if I don't, do I really have the strength to miss out on the time of year that I spend at least 11 months looking forward to?
It's a conundrum alright, any tips from more experienced dieters?
Sunday 16 November 2008
The pupil becomes the master
Have been overtaken by an uncontrollable urge to dance today. All day long I've been pirouetting, moonwalking and making jazz hands at opportune moments and I have no idea why!
Normally this is the result of watching Dirty Dancing/High School Musical/Other classics of the genre, but today I have no idea- I'm just absurdly happy!
Spent the day at my Mums, which is always fun. She's thinking of doing this diet too, and I ALMOST found myself doing what other people have done to me; the old "oh you don't need to lose weight" because they're too uncomfortable around the subject to offer a real opinion. I stopped myself just in time, and told her all about it (technology and Mum don't go that well together, not sure she'd be ready for the idea of reading a website just yet).
So I spent the afternoon showing off my newly acquired knowledge about fatty acids and the difference between good carbohydrates and bad carbohydrates etc, feeling very superior. It was interesting for me, because if my Mum doesn't know this stuff, exactly where was I supposed to learn it from? I have no intention of turning in to some Jamie Oliver-esq hippie rushing around schools and pushing pamphlets about the power of wholegrain under people's noses, but I honestly didn't know this stuff! And if I didn't know it, no wonder I kept putting on pound after pound (although admittedly I did know that chocolate cake was bad and that didn't stop me much.)
Would I have become 6 stone overweight if I'd known all of the things I'm learning about now? Would I have paid attention if someone had tried to teach me before I had hit rock bottom? Who knows, and I'm not trying to pass the buck on to society/advertising/peer pressure or anything like that, but do you want to know what I learnt about in food technology at school?
We did one term making Christmas cakes, one term making soups, and one term making sandwiches. Seriously, I did a whole 12 weeks learning how to make sandwiches!! I honestly don't remember anyone mentioning that if I ate white bread instead of brown for the next 5 years I'd wind up on a Doctor's couch hearing the words "morbidly obese" followed by "severe coronary complications."
Normally this is the result of watching Dirty Dancing/High School Musical/Other classics of the genre, but today I have no idea- I'm just absurdly happy!
Spent the day at my Mums, which is always fun. She's thinking of doing this diet too, and I ALMOST found myself doing what other people have done to me; the old "oh you don't need to lose weight" because they're too uncomfortable around the subject to offer a real opinion. I stopped myself just in time, and told her all about it (technology and Mum don't go that well together, not sure she'd be ready for the idea of reading a website just yet).
So I spent the afternoon showing off my newly acquired knowledge about fatty acids and the difference between good carbohydrates and bad carbohydrates etc, feeling very superior. It was interesting for me, because if my Mum doesn't know this stuff, exactly where was I supposed to learn it from? I have no intention of turning in to some Jamie Oliver-esq hippie rushing around schools and pushing pamphlets about the power of wholegrain under people's noses, but I honestly didn't know this stuff! And if I didn't know it, no wonder I kept putting on pound after pound (although admittedly I did know that chocolate cake was bad and that didn't stop me much.)
Would I have become 6 stone overweight if I'd known all of the things I'm learning about now? Would I have paid attention if someone had tried to teach me before I had hit rock bottom? Who knows, and I'm not trying to pass the buck on to society/advertising/peer pressure or anything like that, but do you want to know what I learnt about in food technology at school?
We did one term making Christmas cakes, one term making soups, and one term making sandwiches. Seriously, I did a whole 12 weeks learning how to make sandwiches!! I honestly don't remember anyone mentioning that if I ate white bread instead of brown for the next 5 years I'd wind up on a Doctor's couch hearing the words "morbidly obese" followed by "severe coronary complications."
Saturday 15 November 2008
What have I become!!!
I have officially become a smug health freak. Not entirely sure how it happened, but slowly over the past three weeks I appear to have transformed in to one of the formerly despised 'health food shoppers' who walk around Sainsbury's looking in to other people's baskets and muttering about the effects of various food products on their insides.
I found myself in Tescos today with my big bro to get officially weighed (my scales are wonderfully encouraging, but perhaps not as accurate as they might be), and actually caught myself judging other people by what they had in their trolleys! I saw a woman with crisps and chocolate, and a bunch of screaming kids who were clearly not in need of any more sugar, and tutted something about blood sugar and glucose under my breath. Then I saw another woman with nothing but a watermelon in her basket, and found myself giving her an approving smile as I passed.
So it's happened. A little knowledge is clearly a dangerous thing in my case! Reading up on what is, and what isn't good to put in my body has become something of an addiction! I've spent a lot of the day on Wikipedia and reading my Howard's Way bumpf, and being completely overwhelmed and scared about the past 20 odd years of putting just about anything in my mouth, I think I'm finally starting to figure a few things out.
I heard of this great game the other day, which I thought we could all play to make the time pass. You have to pick less than 5 items from a supermarket, and you have to make the checkout girl gasp. Simple enough? My brother's girlfriend's sister came up with one, which I think is going to be just impossible to beat:
2 items: a pregnancy test and a pack of wire clothes hangers.
Bet she got some pretty darned weird looks!
So that's today's story. I have been freaking out checkout girls whilst slowly transforming in to the sort of person who brings their own supply of microbiotic foods to parties and wont let their kids eat anything except milk. Oh wait, that's Madonna.
I found myself in Tescos today with my big bro to get officially weighed (my scales are wonderfully encouraging, but perhaps not as accurate as they might be), and actually caught myself judging other people by what they had in their trolleys! I saw a woman with crisps and chocolate, and a bunch of screaming kids who were clearly not in need of any more sugar, and tutted something about blood sugar and glucose under my breath. Then I saw another woman with nothing but a watermelon in her basket, and found myself giving her an approving smile as I passed.
So it's happened. A little knowledge is clearly a dangerous thing in my case! Reading up on what is, and what isn't good to put in my body has become something of an addiction! I've spent a lot of the day on Wikipedia and reading my Howard's Way bumpf, and being completely overwhelmed and scared about the past 20 odd years of putting just about anything in my mouth, I think I'm finally starting to figure a few things out.
I heard of this great game the other day, which I thought we could all play to make the time pass. You have to pick less than 5 items from a supermarket, and you have to make the checkout girl gasp. Simple enough? My brother's girlfriend's sister came up with one, which I think is going to be just impossible to beat:
2 items: a pregnancy test and a pack of wire clothes hangers.
Bet she got some pretty darned weird looks!
So that's today's story. I have been freaking out checkout girls whilst slowly transforming in to the sort of person who brings their own supply of microbiotic foods to parties and wont let their kids eat anything except milk. Oh wait, that's Madonna.
Friday 14 November 2008
Pros and Cons
NEGATIVES:
- Feeling much colder than I normally would. I was told this might happen, something to do with less excess energy for heat and less body fat than I'm used to. Find this interesting, does it mean that skinny midget girls are constantly cold? And if so, how on earth do they walk around with bare midrifts all year round?
- Keep getting pins and needles randomly. Bit weird, apparently it's because I'm still not drinking enough. Because all food contains some water, so you don't really realise how much you're taking in, and blood needs water to get round the body. So must do better there.
- Still have a slightly dry mouth, but think this is to do with the water thing again. I'm supposed to drink 5l a day but that's a LOT!!!
- Fit in to my size 20 jeans today, which I brought a year ago and never wore
- Also fit in to favourite top which have never actually worn and thought it would spend it's days lying in my wardrobe looking pretty but unatainable
- Bowels nice and regular, think we've definitely clearer up that little fiasco
- Lots of nice compliments from various people
- Compared photos of myself now and 3 weeks ago and my goodness but you can notice it!
- Learnt lots more about foods - apparently brown rice, bread and possibly sugar is much better for me than white rice, bread and possibly sugar (may have made up the sugar thing, I'll look it up at some point)
- Evil girls in office appear to be giving up
- Feeling much more confident at work, better able to voice opinion without assuming that everyone else is thinking "well what does she know, she's fat!"
- AM 14stone, 3pounds and 9 ounces!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
Thursday 13 November 2008
Temptation
14st 4lbs (v.g.), calories 450 (slightly repetitive there), Cravings denied 1,000 (v.g.), Cravings given into 0 (excellent!), Books read Moved on to Bridget Jones 2 now
Don't worry people, you can stop crying hysterically, I'm not dead! Nor have I fallen off the dieting bandwagon! I just went out and got me a life for a couple of days and I'm afraid to say blogging took a bit of a backseat for a while.
But don't worry, that madness has passed and I shall probably not do anything vaguely interesting for the next few weeks and will be able to write every day about the sheer mundaneness of life. Guess that's one of the problems with blogging - if I led a more interesting life worth talking about in great detail then I wouldn't have time to write about it. Bet Edmund Hillary doesn't keep a blog.
The last few days, I've had friends round, and I've been out with friends just like most crazy, 'mad fer it' 24 year olds. What struck me the most is how much of life revolves around food.
Most social activities include some sort of accompanying food. We went to see Bond (bloody awful) it was popcorn and ice cream. We went bowling, it was hotdogs. We went shopping, and 'popped in for a coffee and maybe just a little slice of cake.' We had a girls night in with a dvd, and of course, pizza was ordered. We played poker, and it was crisps and nibbles.
Now I wasn't hungry for most of this, and, like Howard's Way promised, by now I'm really not craving food in the same way as before. But it's very hard to break the habit of eating food that's in front of you - it's almost an unconscious thing.
These were great friends I was hanging out with, and not people who were deliberately putting temptation before me, but I couldn't help noticing just how much I must've eaten before!! When I used to 'record' the food I ate each day, I never would've thought to include the obscene amounts of 'nibbles' I ate, or little snacks used to 'keep me going' when shopping, or the bars of chocolate used to 'pick me up' when I was a bit down. Guess I'm finally learning what I actually need to survive, and what is excess!
These past few days would've been really hard for me, what with all the food under my nose the whole time. Of course my amazing friends offered to not get all of the junk food in, and of course I said that they should and it wouldn't be a problem, but it sure wasn't easy to keep having to stop myself as I leant forwards to grab some popcorn. Think I looked like I'd developed a twitch actually.
But I got through it, I live to diet another day! And at 14stone 4, I've seen enough results to keep me well and truly on the straight and narrow!
Don't worry people, you can stop crying hysterically, I'm not dead! Nor have I fallen off the dieting bandwagon! I just went out and got me a life for a couple of days and I'm afraid to say blogging took a bit of a backseat for a while.
But don't worry, that madness has passed and I shall probably not do anything vaguely interesting for the next few weeks and will be able to write every day about the sheer mundaneness of life. Guess that's one of the problems with blogging - if I led a more interesting life worth talking about in great detail then I wouldn't have time to write about it. Bet Edmund Hillary doesn't keep a blog.
The last few days, I've had friends round, and I've been out with friends just like most crazy, 'mad fer it' 24 year olds. What struck me the most is how much of life revolves around food.
Most social activities include some sort of accompanying food. We went to see Bond (bloody awful) it was popcorn and ice cream. We went bowling, it was hotdogs. We went shopping, and 'popped in for a coffee and maybe just a little slice of cake.' We had a girls night in with a dvd, and of course, pizza was ordered. We played poker, and it was crisps and nibbles.
Now I wasn't hungry for most of this, and, like Howard's Way promised, by now I'm really not craving food in the same way as before. But it's very hard to break the habit of eating food that's in front of you - it's almost an unconscious thing.
These were great friends I was hanging out with, and not people who were deliberately putting temptation before me, but I couldn't help noticing just how much I must've eaten before!! When I used to 'record' the food I ate each day, I never would've thought to include the obscene amounts of 'nibbles' I ate, or little snacks used to 'keep me going' when shopping, or the bars of chocolate used to 'pick me up' when I was a bit down. Guess I'm finally learning what I actually need to survive, and what is excess!
These past few days would've been really hard for me, what with all the food under my nose the whole time. Of course my amazing friends offered to not get all of the junk food in, and of course I said that they should and it wouldn't be a problem, but it sure wasn't easy to keep having to stop myself as I leant forwards to grab some popcorn. Think I looked like I'd developed a twitch actually.
But I got through it, I live to diet another day! And at 14stone 4, I've seen enough results to keep me well and truly on the straight and narrow!
Monday 10 November 2008
Christmas is coming, and Emma's getting thin!
I just had such an awful evening and morning, I shall tell you about it because I think it would make you laugh. Hopefully this will be something that I can laugh about too in a couple of Millennia.
I went shopping in Canary Wharf, I got home and found I'd been locked out! There's a yale lock and a chubb lock on the door, I don't use the chubb lock because it's old and very stiff, I can sometimes open it from the inside, but not from the outside. Anyway, my mate (who is staying with me) had locked the bottom door and after 10 mins, I still couldn't get in. So, I went next door and they tried the lock, and they couldn't open it, so I climbed over the wall into my back garden and hoped the kitchen door would open. It didn't.
So I called the landlord (who was in London) and he said, just to break in. So I looked at the glass and it looked back, and ya know, I always think of glass as being fragile, ephemeral stuff. So I hit it with a gardening fork. It didn't break. So I shouted at it and hit it again, no joy. It's bloody hard to nerve yourself up to an actual act of vandalism and then find it doesn't work. By the way, it's pouring down with rain the whole time. So I went and found a pick axe, which worked very well. It took quite a while, but I got there, unlocked the door, tracked glass through the house and went to bed.
I woke up this morning to find the BASTARD mate had 'tidied' the bathroom by removing all of my stuff, so no shower for me. I then found I couldn't unlock the door from the inside. I called the landlord and read a book. About 9-30 there was a knock at the door, so I went downstairs. It wasn't the landlord, it was the builder, waiting for his money. He talked to me through the letterbox for half an hour culminating in him proposing marriage and many small children, and me getting out of it as nicely as I could. Fortunately the landlord turned up, let me out and I got to work for 11.45.
sigh, at least I can still make the people at work laugh, it'd just be nice if I could get them to laugh with me instead of at me!!!
I went shopping in Canary Wharf, I got home and found I'd been locked out! There's a yale lock and a chubb lock on the door, I don't use the chubb lock because it's old and very stiff, I can sometimes open it from the inside, but not from the outside. Anyway, my mate (who is staying with me) had locked the bottom door and after 10 mins, I still couldn't get in. So, I went next door and they tried the lock, and they couldn't open it, so I climbed over the wall into my back garden and hoped the kitchen door would open. It didn't.
So I called the landlord (who was in London) and he said, just to break in. So I looked at the glass and it looked back, and ya know, I always think of glass as being fragile, ephemeral stuff. So I hit it with a gardening fork. It didn't break. So I shouted at it and hit it again, no joy. It's bloody hard to nerve yourself up to an actual act of vandalism and then find it doesn't work. By the way, it's pouring down with rain the whole time. So I went and found a pick axe, which worked very well. It took quite a while, but I got there, unlocked the door, tracked glass through the house and went to bed.
I woke up this morning to find the BASTARD mate had 'tidied' the bathroom by removing all of my stuff, so no shower for me. I then found I couldn't unlock the door from the inside. I called the landlord and read a book. About 9-30 there was a knock at the door, so I went downstairs. It wasn't the landlord, it was the builder, waiting for his money. He talked to me through the letterbox for half an hour culminating in him proposing marriage and many small children, and me getting out of it as nicely as I could. Fortunately the landlord turned up, let me out and I got to work for 11.45.
sigh, at least I can still make the people at work laugh, it'd just be nice if I could get them to laugh with me instead of at me!!!
Sunday 9 November 2008
Me and the mastiff
Read a great post today from another guy on a liquid diet. He'd just passed the 250lbs mark, and was feeling justifiably proud of himself, and he chose to put this photo on his blog:
Why? Because the average black bear weighs 250kg apparently! So it got me thinking that I could rate my weekly success by which animal I weighed the same as (to be honest, much as I'm LOVING doing my little Excel graph which documents my weightloss (this is of course slightly unreliable now after the 'wrongly callibrated scales' debacle, which has RUINED my beautiful downwards curve!), and I thought that a beautiful chart which had a photo of a different animal each week would be something else that I could waste time on. (I lie, beautifully colour coded graphs are never a waste of time, just so long as the line goes downwards!)
Anyway, turns out it's harder than I expected to find out the average weight of animals. I google-d it, I wikipedia-ed it, I even encycolpedia-ed it, and all I got was a bunch of nutters worried that their poodle might be pregnant. But during my highly unsuccessful attempt to visualise my journey from hippo to ...hamster (alliteration won out over making sense there I'm afraid) I did find out some fascinating facts to share with you.
Maybe people just suddenly woke up nicer! Guess we'll wait to see the girls at work on Monday to find out how long it lasts!!!
Anyway, turns out it's harder than I expected to find out the average weight of animals. I google-d it, I wikipedia-ed it, I even encycolpedia-ed it, and all I got was a bunch of nutters worried that their poodle might be pregnant. But during my highly unsuccessful attempt to visualise my journey from hippo to ...hamster (alliteration won out over making sense there I'm afraid) I did find out some fascinating facts to share with you.
- An average African elephant will eat AT LEAST my weight everyday in food, and drink
113litres of water (I'm struggling to get through my required 4!) - A mastiff (biiiiiig type of dog) averages 170-220 lbs. (That's the closest I could get to an animal that weighs the same as me.)
- Americans stop eating when they're full, whereas Europeans stop eating when they're no longer hungry. Big difference if you ask me, and it's the main thing I'm going to put in to practise when I'm back on regular food.
Maybe people just suddenly woke up nicer! Guess we'll wait to see the girls at work on Monday to find out how long it lasts!!!
Friday 7 November 2008
yet another constipation based posting
Now I'm not normally the sort of person who rates their days based on the number of times they've managed to poo, but if I were, then today would have been a good day.
Three whole poos! I thought the constipation had gone a couple of days ago, but I was still having a few problems in that department, so my locum lady suggested a stronger laxative. And it worked wonders! Feeling more sprightly as a result - which is funny, because it wasn't like there was a lot there, but I feel much lighter now it's come out.
Bad news today. Turns out my scales are calibrated slightly wrongly, and have been giving me readings that were about 2lbs under what I actually am. I go to the gym or Tescos to get officially weighed once a week, so I've been thinking that on those days I just happen to be randomly putting on weight and the day after I'm doing well (yes, it did take me a whole 2 weeks to notice, please don't laugh!)
Anyway, I thought I was 14'8 when I woke up this morning, turns out I'm really 14'10. It's still good, it's still a stone lost, but there's still a long way to go before I'm going to be prancing around in a bikini.
Three whole poos! I thought the constipation had gone a couple of days ago, but I was still having a few problems in that department, so my locum lady suggested a stronger laxative. And it worked wonders! Feeling more sprightly as a result - which is funny, because it wasn't like there was a lot there, but I feel much lighter now it's come out.
Bad news today. Turns out my scales are calibrated slightly wrongly, and have been giving me readings that were about 2lbs under what I actually am. I go to the gym or Tescos to get officially weighed once a week, so I've been thinking that on those days I just happen to be randomly putting on weight and the day after I'm doing well (yes, it did take me a whole 2 weeks to notice, please don't laugh!)
Anyway, I thought I was 14'8 when I woke up this morning, turns out I'm really 14'10. It's still good, it's still a stone lost, but there's still a long way to go before I'm going to be prancing around in a bikini.
Thursday 6 November 2008
Sketch show humour
Weight: 14stone 10lbs, alcohol units: 0, calories: 450 (v good), encounters with mean girls: 450 (conservative estimate), styles of writing copied from Bridget Jones: 1
Funniest thing ever happened today. I almost had to look around me to make sure I wasn't in a sketch show because it was so damned ridiculous!
I was talking to some girls at work, and they're both maybe a tad overweight but nothing to write home about. One of them offered me tea, and it's always a bit embarassing turning down tea because no one understands why I'm not allowed things like that (technically I am allowed tea, but no milk in it - yuck!). So I reminded her about the diet, and she apologised and said she was being inconsiderate. Then the other one, straight off, said "I'm getting a McDonalds later, bet you wish you could have one!" At which they both chuckled hysterically.
So I (after counting slowly to 10) said "I know this diet may seem a little extreme to you, but it's really working for me and hopefully in a few months time I"ll be thin."
Then they (and this is the funny part) said "OH. SO YOU'RE SAYING WE'RE FAT ARE YOU!?"
Self absorbed much?
It was only afterwards when I thought how WITTY it would have been to say "oh shove it up your bottoms you big stinky piles of horse manure" or something of that tone, but alas, I was still spluttering away to myself when they linked arms and marched away, noses in the air.
Funniest thing ever happened today. I almost had to look around me to make sure I wasn't in a sketch show because it was so damned ridiculous!
I was talking to some girls at work, and they're both maybe a tad overweight but nothing to write home about. One of them offered me tea, and it's always a bit embarassing turning down tea because no one understands why I'm not allowed things like that (technically I am allowed tea, but no milk in it - yuck!). So I reminded her about the diet, and she apologised and said she was being inconsiderate. Then the other one, straight off, said "I'm getting a McDonalds later, bet you wish you could have one!" At which they both chuckled hysterically.
So I (after counting slowly to 10) said "I know this diet may seem a little extreme to you, but it's really working for me and hopefully in a few months time I"ll be thin."
Then they (and this is the funny part) said "OH. SO YOU'RE SAYING WE'RE FAT ARE YOU!?"
Self absorbed much?
It was only afterwards when I thought how WITTY it would have been to say "oh shove it up your bottoms you big stinky piles of horse manure" or something of that tone, but alas, I was still spluttering away to myself when they linked arms and marched away, noses in the air.
What I learnt today in class
Well today has been frightfully exciting. I have to do little tests once a week to make sure that I'm learning all of the things that I should be learning about what is going on inside my body and why it's reacting in certain ways to certain things.
So I thought I'd share all of this fascinating information with you, my loyal readers. Some of it may be completely obvious to you, but Biology was never my strong point, so bare with me and maybe we'll all learn something! I'm going to be tested on this tomorrow, so if I've got anything drastically wrong, hopefully some genius reader will spot it.
Normally, my body breaks down foods and converts carbohydrates in to brain sugar and blood sugar (also known as glucose). This provides me with the necessary energy to wobble to work and dance around with my hairbrush etc. When I eat more than necessary, the extra glucose is stored in the liver, but when the liver is full too, the excess is converted into a condensed form for storage, which is FAT.
So when losing weight, you have to use up first your energy supply, then the glucose stored in the liver, and finally you can make a dent in the fat. As the glucose stored in the liver is stored with about 4 times its weight in water, the first week of a diet involves lots of trips to the bathroom to get rid of the liver water (as the glucose stored there is being used to run the body) and that's why you lose a lot of weight in the first week!
Did I pass?!?!?
The Howard's Way formula contains about 450 calories for a girl (think boys get about 600), so by about day 3-4 all the liver glucose has been used up, and you burn the fat instead. This is why I spend my evenings peeing in bottles- because they monitor it to see if there is glycogen left, and if there isn't, it's called KETOSIS (which is a good thing).
So there you have it. I call it "Emma's Biology 101."
Speaking of which, why do people say that? 101 I mean, why does that mean a basic level of learning? Think it's an American thing, care to enlighten me?
So I thought I'd share all of this fascinating information with you, my loyal readers. Some of it may be completely obvious to you, but Biology was never my strong point, so bare with me and maybe we'll all learn something! I'm going to be tested on this tomorrow, so if I've got anything drastically wrong, hopefully some genius reader will spot it.
Normally, my body breaks down foods and converts carbohydrates in to brain sugar and blood sugar (also known as glucose). This provides me with the necessary energy to wobble to work and dance around with my hairbrush etc. When I eat more than necessary, the extra glucose is stored in the liver, but when the liver is full too, the excess is converted into a condensed form for storage, which is FAT.
So when losing weight, you have to use up first your energy supply, then the glucose stored in the liver, and finally you can make a dent in the fat. As the glucose stored in the liver is stored with about 4 times its weight in water, the first week of a diet involves lots of trips to the bathroom to get rid of the liver water (as the glucose stored there is being used to run the body) and that's why you lose a lot of weight in the first week!
Did I pass?!?!?
The Howard's Way formula contains about 450 calories for a girl (think boys get about 600), so by about day 3-4 all the liver glucose has been used up, and you burn the fat instead. This is why I spend my evenings peeing in bottles- because they monitor it to see if there is glycogen left, and if there isn't, it's called KETOSIS (which is a good thing).
So there you have it. I call it "Emma's Biology 101."
Speaking of which, why do people say that? 101 I mean, why does that mean a basic level of learning? Think it's an American thing, care to enlighten me?
Putting it back on
Since well before I started this diet, I've known that losing the weight is the easy part. The hard part is keeping it off for the rest of your life.
The way I feel at the moment, it's almost impossible to imagine that after 12 weeks of this diet, I'll EVER put myself in a position where I'm overweight, even less dangerously obese, again.
I'm feeling so strong right now, like nothing can stop me achieving this. And I know I've only been on the diet for a 10 days or so, and I know that it's easy in the beginning because the weight comes off so fast, but having been obese for so long, and feeling so wonderful now, I feel like every time I look at that second slice of chocolate cake in the future I'll remember and I'll have that incentive to stop myself.
Because it's all about incentive. I got fat when I was depressed, and I didn't think anyone cared about how I looked. Then, once I was fat, I had no incentive to stop eating, because what did it matter - I was already fat. And that's how I became obese.
I nowhere near where I want to be yet in terms of size or appearance, but the difference in how I feel when I walk in a room now, compared with just a fortnight ago is just breathtaking, and if that carries on, then nothing is ever going to bring me down again.
...except possibly the weather. That's a bit shite.
The way I feel at the moment, it's almost impossible to imagine that after 12 weeks of this diet, I'll EVER put myself in a position where I'm overweight, even less dangerously obese, again.
I'm feeling so strong right now, like nothing can stop me achieving this. And I know I've only been on the diet for a 10 days or so, and I know that it's easy in the beginning because the weight comes off so fast, but having been obese for so long, and feeling so wonderful now, I feel like every time I look at that second slice of chocolate cake in the future I'll remember and I'll have that incentive to stop myself.
Because it's all about incentive. I got fat when I was depressed, and I didn't think anyone cared about how I looked. Then, once I was fat, I had no incentive to stop eating, because what did it matter - I was already fat. And that's how I became obese.
I nowhere near where I want to be yet in terms of size or appearance, but the difference in how I feel when I walk in a room now, compared with just a fortnight ago is just breathtaking, and if that carries on, then nothing is ever going to bring me down again.
...except possibly the weather. That's a bit shite.
Tuesday 4 November 2008
I put my new top on, and suddenly everything is fine :)
For those of you on tenterhooks, I did get in to that top that had been staring accusingly at me, and yes, I did to a little victory dance. Dance like no one is watching right! (unfortunately of course, someone was watching, and they may never let me forget it.)
Today was shit. And it should've been so good. I'm down to 14'9, which means that I've lost a stone already. I fit in to that top I've not worn since I brought it two years ago. My jeans need a belt. My boss said how good I was looking. For the first time since I honestly can't remember when, I looked in the mirror and didn't hate what I saw - do you have any idea what that can do for your self confidence!?!?
So I was practically soaring on my way to work this morning, my feet barely touched the ground, and I was singing my little heart out on the bus (note to self: other people can still hear you when you're wearing headphones!)
So, I hear you cry, what dampened this perfect mood? What cloud could possibly have blackened my mood on today of all days, when my arse is looking so excitingly like an arse rather than a marshmellow.
Can't you guess?
It was girls. Bloody shitty crappy snotty bitchy girls.
And I love them, hell, some of my best friends are girls. But god damn it, we can be bitchy when we want to!
Would any nice, normal, vaguely humane person, bring in a homemade chocolate cake and deliberately waft it under the nose of someone who is one week in to a serious diet, whilst constantly purring about how delicious and moist it happens to be, possibly the best chocolate cake in the world and don't worry because there's plenty for everyone? And when that plan spectacularly failed, would anyone who wasn't competing with Hitler, Stalin and Bush on the evil-o-meter then bring out a foil wrapped roast dinner to microwave and waft the smells about some more?
This is a girl who, until now, has never brought anything more interesting in to lunch than a mouldy sandwich. Suddenly she's turned in to Bree from Desperate Housewives!
I just wonder how long it'll go on for. SURELY she'll get bored eventually, and I know that I can outlast her. In fact, she's doing me a favour really - she's pissed me off now, and I'm bloody stubborn when I'm pissed off. Not one teeny tiny morsel, other than what Howard's Way tell me to eat, will touch my lips until a) I have reached my target weight, and b) I am skinnier than her (not that hard).
I don't mean to go on about why girls are evil to other girls on diets, and to be fair, there are some people at work who have been really great about it, asking me about how it's going and telling me I'm looking good (sometimes over the phone, which is a little suspicious, but every girl likes a compliment!).
Anyway, home now and about to tuck in to my favourite of the foods (chocolate milkshake) which I've been looking forward to all afternoon. I got a cereal bar today too- pineapple flavoured and delish! Think my taste buds might explode if I ever got hold of some actual calories!
Today was shit. And it should've been so good. I'm down to 14'9, which means that I've lost a stone already. I fit in to that top I've not worn since I brought it two years ago. My jeans need a belt. My boss said how good I was looking. For the first time since I honestly can't remember when, I looked in the mirror and didn't hate what I saw - do you have any idea what that can do for your self confidence!?!?
So I was practically soaring on my way to work this morning, my feet barely touched the ground, and I was singing my little heart out on the bus (note to self: other people can still hear you when you're wearing headphones!)
So, I hear you cry, what dampened this perfect mood? What cloud could possibly have blackened my mood on today of all days, when my arse is looking so excitingly like an arse rather than a marshmellow.
Can't you guess?
It was girls. Bloody shitty crappy snotty bitchy girls.
And I love them, hell, some of my best friends are girls. But god damn it, we can be bitchy when we want to!
Would any nice, normal, vaguely humane person, bring in a homemade chocolate cake and deliberately waft it under the nose of someone who is one week in to a serious diet, whilst constantly purring about how delicious and moist it happens to be, possibly the best chocolate cake in the world and don't worry because there's plenty for everyone? And when that plan spectacularly failed, would anyone who wasn't competing with Hitler, Stalin and Bush on the evil-o-meter then bring out a foil wrapped roast dinner to microwave and waft the smells about some more?
This is a girl who, until now, has never brought anything more interesting in to lunch than a mouldy sandwich. Suddenly she's turned in to Bree from Desperate Housewives!
I just wonder how long it'll go on for. SURELY she'll get bored eventually, and I know that I can outlast her. In fact, she's doing me a favour really - she's pissed me off now, and I'm bloody stubborn when I'm pissed off. Not one teeny tiny morsel, other than what Howard's Way tell me to eat, will touch my lips until a) I have reached my target weight, and b) I am skinnier than her (not that hard).
I don't mean to go on about why girls are evil to other girls on diets, and to be fair, there are some people at work who have been really great about it, asking me about how it's going and telling me I'm looking good (sometimes over the phone, which is a little suspicious, but every girl likes a compliment!).
Anyway, home now and about to tuck in to my favourite of the foods (chocolate milkshake) which I've been looking forward to all afternoon. I got a cereal bar today too- pineapple flavoured and delish! Think my taste buds might explode if I ever got hold of some actual calories!
Blogs
Also, I spent a lot of time today looking at blogs (in my spare time of course, I would certainly never consider wasting time while I'm at work looking at blogs on the computer when I could be doing so many more productive things like....)
It was really nice to be able to comment on some of the people's blogs that I've been reading for ages, when I was trying to get up the courage to start this diet and this blog. I think people on the internet can be a real inspiration to other people, even if they're a million miles away, because it's always nice to know that whatever you're going through, someone else has been there are felt that.
So thank you to everyone who inspired this diet, because I really feel that it's given me a massive boost already. I'm a stone lighter than I was a week ago and if I'd known it was this easy, I'd have done it years ago!
It was really nice to be able to comment on some of the people's blogs that I've been reading for ages, when I was trying to get up the courage to start this diet and this blog. I think people on the internet can be a real inspiration to other people, even if they're a million miles away, because it's always nice to know that whatever you're going through, someone else has been there are felt that.
So thank you to everyone who inspired this diet, because I really feel that it's given me a massive boost already. I'm a stone lighter than I was a week ago and if I'd known it was this easy, I'd have done it years ago!
Monday 3 November 2008
Opinions on surgery.
Read a great post today from "Tales of the morbidly obese". It's an old post, but will always be relevant I think.
It makes me really regret my previous post about people who get surgery to 'release themselves from the prison of morbid obesity.' At the time (and this was only a week ago), it seemed like surgery was a cheat. That somehow, by paying rather than working for the weight loss, you somehow don't deserve it. It's taken me a week of drinking nothing but milkshakes to realise that being morbidly obese is payment in itself, and anything that you do to relieve yourself from that prison is a positive step, and one that everyone should respect.
Surgery is not for me, it's not something that I ever considered, but I would like to apologise to everyone who has 'gone under the knife,' because I realise that I've been trying to disassociate myself from you. In my arrogance, I've passed judgement on other people who have been through the social ostracism, taunts, and feelings of self disgust that have plagued me for most of my life, and I have labelled them cheats because they found a way out of it.
Do other people consider me a cheat because I've chosen the relatively easy weight loss plan of a Very Low Calorie Diet instead of stomach crunches every morning? Probably. This diet is the easiest thing I've ever done - I don't have to even think about cooking or washing up, and the weight is just falling off me. It's probably considerably easier than surgery, and involves considerably less risk, money and pain.
I watched Louis Theroux last night, doing a documentary on plastic surgery in which he actually wound up getting liposuction. It was amazing to see the confidence people gained from their surgery, and the happier they were in their lives afterwards. I'm still no fan of it, but who am I to deny other fat people their chance at a happy life where people don't stare at them as they walk down the street. From now, anything that makes someone happy is just fine by me.
"Sometimes I wonder about the people who stumble upon this blog from comments on other blogs or just from searches. Are they just disgusted like people are in the real world by morbidly obese people? Am I somehow even less since I used surgery to escape the prison of morbid obesity?
Just I am just starting to learn what it is like to travel in a regular size body. No one can know the cumulative effects of morbid obesity without having lived it. Every day is one indignity after another. While you are suffering through those, people expect a constantly sunny disposition. You feel beholden to give them the funny, smiling fatty persona they expect.
What about you? The ones who have stumbled on this blog. Look at my before pictures and tell what you would have thought of me seeing me on the street. How does your impression change by seeing recent pictures of me? Or does it? Is the fat lot cast?"
It makes me really regret my previous post about people who get surgery to 'release themselves from the prison of morbid obesity.' At the time (and this was only a week ago), it seemed like surgery was a cheat. That somehow, by paying rather than working for the weight loss, you somehow don't deserve it. It's taken me a week of drinking nothing but milkshakes to realise that being morbidly obese is payment in itself, and anything that you do to relieve yourself from that prison is a positive step, and one that everyone should respect.
Surgery is not for me, it's not something that I ever considered, but I would like to apologise to everyone who has 'gone under the knife,' because I realise that I've been trying to disassociate myself from you. In my arrogance, I've passed judgement on other people who have been through the social ostracism, taunts, and feelings of self disgust that have plagued me for most of my life, and I have labelled them cheats because they found a way out of it.
Do other people consider me a cheat because I've chosen the relatively easy weight loss plan of a Very Low Calorie Diet instead of stomach crunches every morning? Probably. This diet is the easiest thing I've ever done - I don't have to even think about cooking or washing up, and the weight is just falling off me. It's probably considerably easier than surgery, and involves considerably less risk, money and pain.
I watched Louis Theroux last night, doing a documentary on plastic surgery in which he actually wound up getting liposuction. It was amazing to see the confidence people gained from their surgery, and the happier they were in their lives afterwards. I'm still no fan of it, but who am I to deny other fat people their chance at a happy life where people don't stare at them as they walk down the street. From now, anything that makes someone happy is just fine by me.
Sunday 2 November 2008
Slightly bizarre side effects
Interesting side effect; my mouth is dry. Dunno why, as I'm drinking about 4litres of water a day. Anyone know why?
I could ask my locum lady, but don't want to bother her on a Sunday. They say they don't mind, but who wants to work on a Sunday! Frankly I'd rather not work any day!
I could ask my locum lady, but don't want to bother her on a Sunday. They say they don't mind, but who wants to work on a Sunday! Frankly I'd rather not work any day!
Saturday 1 November 2008
Constipation update
I know that everyone is just dying to know the updated state of my bowels after Thursday's riveting post on the subject. How could I be so callous as to do a whole post without mentioning it!?!
Well, you'll be pleased to hear that I am no longer getting the tummy pains or making the embarrassing gurgling noises. I took a slightly stronger laxative that my locum recommended and believe that there is now officially nothing left to come out.
Let me hear you say wooooop!!!
I'm so happy today. I went to the gym and did a good workout, I am over the constipation debacle, I passed the test so I know everything there is to know about what's going on in my body, and I got through a shopping trip to Tescos without really desiring anything. Also, my pyjama bottoms fell off when I stood up this morning!!!
I brought a top ages ago that I really liked and then promptly put on about half a stone before I had the opportunity to wear it. It's been sitting in my wardrobe for months, staring at me accusingly every time I chose my trackybums. It even still has the price tag on it, but I couldn't stand to take it back and hear the shop assistant thinking "bit optimistic were we fatty?"
I shall try it on tomorrow, and if it fits I shall go and find that hypothetical shop assistant and I shall do a little dance infront of her, and then she'll be sorry! Then they'll all be sorry!!!
Well, you'll be pleased to hear that I am no longer getting the tummy pains or making the embarrassing gurgling noises. I took a slightly stronger laxative that my locum recommended and believe that there is now officially nothing left to come out.
Let me hear you say wooooop!!!
I'm so happy today. I went to the gym and did a good workout, I am over the constipation debacle, I passed the test so I know everything there is to know about what's going on in my body, and I got through a shopping trip to Tescos without really desiring anything. Also, my pyjama bottoms fell off when I stood up this morning!!!
I brought a top ages ago that I really liked and then promptly put on about half a stone before I had the opportunity to wear it. It's been sitting in my wardrobe for months, staring at me accusingly every time I chose my trackybums. It even still has the price tag on it, but I couldn't stand to take it back and hear the shop assistant thinking "bit optimistic were we fatty?"
I shall try it on tomorrow, and if it fits I shall go and find that hypothetical shop assistant and I shall do a little dance infront of her, and then she'll be sorry! Then they'll all be sorry!!!
other people's reactions
Normally when I start a diet, I don't tell anyone.
It's not that I'm afraid of their reaction if I fail or anything logical like that, it's just that I find that people fall in to about 4 basic categories:
- Supportive. I can deal with these people, they're nice and leave me to get on with it while occasionally remarking how thin I'm looking
- Bemused. After the unbelievable frustrating chorus of "oh but you're fine the way you are!" (which traditionally leaves me unmotivated and with an overwhelming desire to scream "apart from the fact that I'm about 4lbs away from being Jabba the Hut!")
- Critical. Thought I was over-reacting to the bemused people? Try telling me that I'm dieting all wrong and should try cutting out all carbs and jogging 6 miles every morning if you want to see me turn slowly purple in an effort not to choke on my own bitter retorts.
- Destructive. These are the worst. They pretend to be your friend, and start of all supportive, whilst secretly plotting to undermine your willpower by 'rewarding' you for losing a pound with a large slab of chocolate cake that they cooked especially for you and will be soooo hurt if you don't just take a bite. There is no circle in hell deep enough for these people. Except the one populated by double-glazing sales people.
So that is a basic summary of why I don't tell people when I go on a diet, but unfortunately that means that there's not as much pressure to stay on the straight and narrow. This diet, I decided to tell everyone about. Mostly because it's quite hard to hide the fact that I'm only drinking milkshakes for 12 weeks, but more importantly, it's because I'm actually really proud of myself for deciding to do this diet.
This is not a fad diet, this is me changing my life around. I've done all the research to answer the critical people, I have more than enough bitter retorts in my armoury for the bemused people, and frankly I am quite prepared to bitch-slap the destructive people. So bring it on.
It's not that I'm afraid of their reaction if I fail or anything logical like that, it's just that I find that people fall in to about 4 basic categories:
- Supportive. I can deal with these people, they're nice and leave me to get on with it while occasionally remarking how thin I'm looking
- Bemused. After the unbelievable frustrating chorus of "oh but you're fine the way you are!" (which traditionally leaves me unmotivated and with an overwhelming desire to scream "apart from the fact that I'm about 4lbs away from being Jabba the Hut!")
- Critical. Thought I was over-reacting to the bemused people? Try telling me that I'm dieting all wrong and should try cutting out all carbs and jogging 6 miles every morning if you want to see me turn slowly purple in an effort not to choke on my own bitter retorts.
- Destructive. These are the worst. They pretend to be your friend, and start of all supportive, whilst secretly plotting to undermine your willpower by 'rewarding' you for losing a pound with a large slab of chocolate cake that they cooked especially for you and will be soooo hurt if you don't just take a bite. There is no circle in hell deep enough for these people. Except the one populated by double-glazing sales people.
So that is a basic summary of why I don't tell people when I go on a diet, but unfortunately that means that there's not as much pressure to stay on the straight and narrow. This diet, I decided to tell everyone about. Mostly because it's quite hard to hide the fact that I'm only drinking milkshakes for 12 weeks, but more importantly, it's because I'm actually really proud of myself for deciding to do this diet.
This is not a fad diet, this is me changing my life around. I've done all the research to answer the critical people, I have more than enough bitter retorts in my armoury for the bemused people, and frankly I am quite prepared to bitch-slap the destructive people. So bring it on.
Friday 31 October 2008
Constipation.
Constipation is not a funny thing. It may sound funny, but it is quite definitely not.
Was feeling so good today. Although it was Halloween and I'm surrounded by sweeties (I'm sure that England has become more Americanized in it's celebrations of Halloween - there's costumes and special sweetie jars and pumpkin carving kits and, is it just me, or have all the supermarkets done massive discounts on all things sweetie? Back in the day it was a hollowed out pumpkin and possibly a witches hat made out of paper you coloured in yourself the year before.)
Apologies for the brain splurge there. Stay with me.
Back on to the poo thing... I've been having a few laxatives, which have been helping, but I keep hearing these loud and slightly embarassing gurgling noises from my belly which my locum lady has suggested might be a sign that there is more to come out.
So what do you do? Do you force it out, do you wait until it comes out naturally, or do you dose yourself up with laxative? I lost 2lbs today, which is so amazing, but I can't help feeling that if I could just get rid of whatever is left in my belly, I'd lose it even faster.
So that's today's little anecdote, many apologies if I grossed you out with my bowel movements (or lack thereof)! I'm really chuffed today because I've had loads of energy all day, haven't been hungry at all, and I mixed my foods properly at last and have decided that the tomato soup one is actually really quite delicious. Possibly this is just the lack of anything to compare it with, but I'm finding myself looking forward to it like I normally would a bag of chips. Still not big on vegetables of course, but it would take the disintegration of every other food source on the planet before I happily ate most vegetables.
Also today I had my one week check up at Howard's Way. They took pictures (you can already see a big difference to the ones they took a week ago), and took me through all the stuff I've been learning about what's going on in my body (which I shall explain in the next blog).
So, drum roll please.... it's one week in, and my official weight is.....
It's been sooo long since there's been a 14 at the start of my weight!!! And tomorrow I'm allowed to start on the Howard's Way 'bars' which are part of the food I'm allowed from now on and I'm really looking forward to something a wee bit solid (unless I have to shit it all out again of course!!!)
Was feeling so good today. Although it was Halloween and I'm surrounded by sweeties (I'm sure that England has become more Americanized in it's celebrations of Halloween - there's costumes and special sweetie jars and pumpkin carving kits and, is it just me, or have all the supermarkets done massive discounts on all things sweetie? Back in the day it was a hollowed out pumpkin and possibly a witches hat made out of paper you coloured in yourself the year before.)
Apologies for the brain splurge there. Stay with me.
Back on to the poo thing... I've been having a few laxatives, which have been helping, but I keep hearing these loud and slightly embarassing gurgling noises from my belly which my locum lady has suggested might be a sign that there is more to come out.
So what do you do? Do you force it out, do you wait until it comes out naturally, or do you dose yourself up with laxative? I lost 2lbs today, which is so amazing, but I can't help feeling that if I could just get rid of whatever is left in my belly, I'd lose it even faster.
So that's today's little anecdote, many apologies if I grossed you out with my bowel movements (or lack thereof)! I'm really chuffed today because I've had loads of energy all day, haven't been hungry at all, and I mixed my foods properly at last and have decided that the tomato soup one is actually really quite delicious. Possibly this is just the lack of anything to compare it with, but I'm finding myself looking forward to it like I normally would a bag of chips. Still not big on vegetables of course, but it would take the disintegration of every other food source on the planet before I happily ate most vegetables.
Also today I had my one week check up at Howard's Way. They took pictures (you can already see a big difference to the ones they took a week ago), and took me through all the stuff I've been learning about what's going on in my body (which I shall explain in the next blog).
So, drum roll please.... it's one week in, and my official weight is.....
14stone 12pounds!!!
It's been sooo long since there's been a 14 at the start of my weight!!! And tomorrow I'm allowed to start on the Howard's Way 'bars' which are part of the food I'm allowed from now on and I'm really looking forward to something a wee bit solid (unless I have to shit it all out again of course!!!)
Wednesday 29 October 2008
why girls are bitches to other girls on diets
Why are girls such bitches? I'm sorry, and I don't mean to be unfair on any of my sex, but mention that you're on a diet to another girl and suddenly the talons come out and she will stop at literally nothing to put you off it.
I was feeling pretty vulnerable today. Although I wasn't expecting the 4lbs a day thing to last, I was pretty gutted when I'd actually put on weight yesterday, so I didn't have my defensive cloak of self belief that had helped me through work yesterday. I was not emotionally prepared to deal with the people sitting next to me and staging long discussions about which foods they were craving and what they were looking forward to for lunch.
Since I decided to go on this diet, I've met with some pretty mixed reactions from the people I've told. I know that Very Low Calorie Diets like this have had some pretty bad press in the past, but if one more person tells me that all my hair will fall out and that I'll be fainting every five minutes, or be left infertile, or probably be dead within a week, I shall think of some very scathing retort and say it to them with one eyebrow raised. And that will show them.
Do people not think that I've researched this? That I didn't spend weeks and weeks on the internet, reading what other people had been through and listening to medical advice before choosing this diet? I've put it down to a few reasons, which I shall now expand upon in my little list that I shall call "why girls are bitches to other girls on diets."
WHY GIRLS ARE BITCHES TO OTHER GIRLS ON DIETS:
- Every girl likes to have a fat best friend to go shopping with/ the beach with/ have as a bridesmaid to make themselves feel better
- Every girl has tried to diet and failed, and the possibility that you might succeed is too much to bear
- Girls figure that the fatter the rest of the world is, the thinner they will look by comparison
- Girls are naturally bitchy, and this is simply an opportunity to show it.
I will undoubtedly think of more and add them to the list in the coming weeks.
Anyway, on the (vaguely) plus side, I lost 3lbs today, which makes up slightly for yesterdays little debacle, and I'm back on track. Sorry for the rant.
I was feeling pretty vulnerable today. Although I wasn't expecting the 4lbs a day thing to last, I was pretty gutted when I'd actually put on weight yesterday, so I didn't have my defensive cloak of self belief that had helped me through work yesterday. I was not emotionally prepared to deal with the people sitting next to me and staging long discussions about which foods they were craving and what they were looking forward to for lunch.
Since I decided to go on this diet, I've met with some pretty mixed reactions from the people I've told. I know that Very Low Calorie Diets like this have had some pretty bad press in the past, but if one more person tells me that all my hair will fall out and that I'll be fainting every five minutes, or be left infertile, or probably be dead within a week, I shall think of some very scathing retort and say it to them with one eyebrow raised. And that will show them.
Do people not think that I've researched this? That I didn't spend weeks and weeks on the internet, reading what other people had been through and listening to medical advice before choosing this diet? I've put it down to a few reasons, which I shall now expand upon in my little list that I shall call "why girls are bitches to other girls on diets."
WHY GIRLS ARE BITCHES TO OTHER GIRLS ON DIETS:
- Every girl likes to have a fat best friend to go shopping with/ the beach with/ have as a bridesmaid to make themselves feel better
- Every girl has tried to diet and failed, and the possibility that you might succeed is too much to bear
- Girls figure that the fatter the rest of the world is, the thinner they will look by comparison
- Girls are naturally bitchy, and this is simply an opportunity to show it.
I will undoubtedly think of more and add them to the list in the coming weeks.
Anyway, on the (vaguely) plus side, I lost 3lbs today, which makes up slightly for yesterdays little debacle, and I'm back on track. Sorry for the rant.
Excuses
Thinking about it though...I was wearing a big cardigan when I weighed myself yesterday...I bet that added a pound or two.
Tuesday 28 October 2008
bugger
Bit depressed today. Put on 2lbs and have no idea how.
I did everything right. I ate my milkshakes, I drank loads of water, I peed in a bottle... how can fat possibly have found its way in to my body!?!?
I even pooed today, which is something that I actually hadn't done since starting the diet. I know that no one wants to hear about my bowel movements, but I think it might be important. I hadn't been for a few days, but hadn't really noticed, what with all my trips to the bathroom for the other one. So Denise recommended Senokot, and she said it was pretty common, so I took that and I went twice so how did I put on weight!!!
And I was having such a good day too! The headaches gone, the food was mixed better and really quite palatable, and I had this amazing burst of energy mid afternoon where I was more energetic that I've been in years.
Bit depressed, but am going to solider on. They did say this might happen, but it is gutting. Ruins my whole chart!!!
I did everything right. I ate my milkshakes, I drank loads of water, I peed in a bottle... how can fat possibly have found its way in to my body!?!?
I even pooed today, which is something that I actually hadn't done since starting the diet. I know that no one wants to hear about my bowel movements, but I think it might be important. I hadn't been for a few days, but hadn't really noticed, what with all my trips to the bathroom for the other one. So Denise recommended Senokot, and she said it was pretty common, so I took that and I went twice so how did I put on weight!!!
And I was having such a good day too! The headaches gone, the food was mixed better and really quite palatable, and I had this amazing burst of energy mid afternoon where I was more energetic that I've been in years.
Bit depressed, but am going to solider on. They did say this might happen, but it is gutting. Ruins my whole chart!!!
Monday 27 October 2008
ANOTHER 4lbs!!!!!
I lost another 4bs today!!! That's 8lbs in 2 days! And it's not just dodgey scales- my last year jeans have proved it!!
I love life,
I love these milkshakes
I love my last years jeans!
If I were to keep losing weight at this rate (and obviously I know I wont, but bear with me) I'd be 12 stone within 2 weeks!
I was dreading today, because it was my first day at work with this new diet and I knew that people would comment and judge and probably try to scare me off it (apparently Very Low Calorie Diets had some bad press in the early 90s before they were fully regulated and everybody knows someone who knows someone who lost all their hair). But with 8lbs lost, I feel like I have a protective shield against all that crap.
I love life,
I love these milkshakes
I love my last years jeans!
If I were to keep losing weight at this rate (and obviously I know I wont, but bear with me) I'd be 12 stone within 2 weeks!
I was dreading today, because it was my first day at work with this new diet and I knew that people would comment and judge and probably try to scare me off it (apparently Very Low Calorie Diets had some bad press in the early 90s before they were fully regulated and everybody knows someone who knows someone who lost all their hair). But with 8lbs lost, I feel like I have a protective shield against all that crap.
Sunday 26 October 2008
oh...my...god!!!
No one is going to believe this...hell, even I don't really believe it and I have the print out to prove it... I lost 4lbs today!! 4 whole pounds! How is that even possible! And how did I not do this sooner!
I wont pretend I had the best day. I've still got the headache that I went to bed with last night, and I'm not sure if it's related but you surely can't just lose 4lbs with no side effects whatsoever. They did mention I might feel a bit headachey in the first week- I'm supposed to drink more water, but seriously, I'm running to the bathroom every half hour as it is!!!
I had to go all the way to Tescos to get myself weighed again so I could get the official print out for Howard's Way, and while I was there I brought myself some electric scales (something I've never had any inclination to do before!!!) so I can keep track a bit better. I had to do the food shopping for my Dad and sister too, which sucked! The foods I've been given do take away my hunger, and it's not like I feel a need for food, but it's pretty hard to be around all that food, and all those smells and variety of different tastes.
Today's foods were better than yesterdays, I think because I mixed them better. I had strawberry milkshake for breakfast, chicken soup for lunch and chocolate shake again for dinner. All reasonably tasty, which is a huge relief. I asked the people at Howard's Way about it actually, when I was deciding which diet to do and was petrified that I'd wind up eating something that tasted like turd in water for 12 weeks, and she said that they made them 'nice' rather than 'delicious' because with delicious some people will love them and some will hate them, but with nice, everyone likes them enough. Seems a bit weird, but I like them and they're certainly working thus far so no complaints from me!!!
I wont pretend I had the best day. I've still got the headache that I went to bed with last night, and I'm not sure if it's related but you surely can't just lose 4lbs with no side effects whatsoever. They did mention I might feel a bit headachey in the first week- I'm supposed to drink more water, but seriously, I'm running to the bathroom every half hour as it is!!!
I had to go all the way to Tescos to get myself weighed again so I could get the official print out for Howard's Way, and while I was there I brought myself some electric scales (something I've never had any inclination to do before!!!) so I can keep track a bit better. I had to do the food shopping for my Dad and sister too, which sucked! The foods I've been given do take away my hunger, and it's not like I feel a need for food, but it's pretty hard to be around all that food, and all those smells and variety of different tastes.
Today's foods were better than yesterdays, I think because I mixed them better. I had strawberry milkshake for breakfast, chicken soup for lunch and chocolate shake again for dinner. All reasonably tasty, which is a huge relief. I asked the people at Howard's Way about it actually, when I was deciding which diet to do and was petrified that I'd wind up eating something that tasted like turd in water for 12 weeks, and she said that they made them 'nice' rather than 'delicious' because with delicious some people will love them and some will hate them, but with nice, everyone likes them enough. Seems a bit weird, but I like them and they're certainly working thus far so no complaints from me!!!
Saturday 25 October 2008
First day!
Today was my first real day on the Howard's Way Diet, in 12 weeks I shall be frequently mistaken for Twiggy!
I woke up early and excited- I had my first call with my locum (random thought: what is a locum exactly? I shall Wikipedia it...
"Locum, short for the Latin phrase locum tenens (lit. "place-holder," akin to lieutenant), is a person who temporarily fulfills the duties of another. For example, a Locum doctor is a doctor who works in the place of the regular doctor when that doctor is absent. These professionals are still governed by their respective regulatory bodies, despite the transient nature of their positions."
...so that explains that one.)
I called my locum, her name is Denise and she seemed really nice and positive, set my mind at rest about a few things and got me all buoyed up and confident that I can do it. What's nice actually, is that all of the staff of this diet thing have done it themselves before- they were obese and now they're not, which helps because I have always hated it when people tell me they know how I'm feeling (normally as they show me the half pound that they put on over Christmas) but I've seen pictures of Denise when she was my size so at least I don't have the words "skinny bitch" going around in my head every time she says she knows what I'm going through!!
So first thing I did was to test my pee. That's to see how my body is functioning and responding to the treatment. I pee in a bottle (which is an art in itself) and then someone I trust (my big brother) dips a papery thing in it and records the colour it turns and fills it in on a little chart. Apparently I'm a level 5, although whether this is a good thing or a not I have no idea.
Charts help. I'm going to make loads of charts of my weight going down and all of my measurements, and then I'm going to put them into Excel and colour code them and get all excited. These are the things that make me happy. It's a sad life, but I enjoy it. I may even buy some stationary!
Anyway, had a chocolate milkshake first thing, but I added too much water and it came out a bit weird. I drank it anyway and it was ok, nothing to write home about but I can definitely live with it. Had a bunch of stuff to do today, as it was a Saturday, so I kept nice and busy and didn't think about it much, but I really didn't get hungry until lunch.
I never know how much of what I eat is hunger and how much is just plain boredom, and that's what worries me slightly about this diet. I've read enough to know that it'll stop me being hungry, and curb my cravings, but how do I stop boredom/comfort eating? I guess that's where the will power bit comes in, and there are special bars and stuff that I've been given, but if I do fail (which I wont) then that will be why (even though I wont.)
So I got me a swanky new hairdo (to go with my new figure...a little premature some might say, but I've always been an optimist), and did some errands before lunch, which was a vegetable soup thing. Not a big vegetable person, so I wasn't really expecting to love that one, and I didn't. Luckily I'm allowed to choose the flavours I want, so I'll ask them to not send any more vegetabley things.
Then I went to see High School Musical 3 with a mate. Totally rocks. Zac Efron is totally hot. We were probably the only people in there who had hit puberty, but I danced my little heart out!
Supper was a butterscotch milkshake. Mixed it right this time and it was pretty tasty. Not Ben and Jerrys, but I could happily live off them for a while! I weighed myself again. Didn't see a difference, but I put it on my chart :) I rang my locum lady as well- they check up on you a lot during the first week, I guess because it's all pretty complicated and new. Apparently I'm still not drinking enough water (drank 3 litres and spent a good half of the day running to the bathroom!), but other than that I got me a gold star. Going to bed now because I have a bit of a headache coming on, hopefully will lose some weight in the night. Bridget Jones often did.
ps. According to the advertising (which I am a sucker for), "Howard's Way is the next best thing to going to bed and waking up thin." I'll let you know tomorrow!!!!!
I woke up early and excited- I had my first call with my locum (random thought: what is a locum exactly? I shall Wikipedia it...
"Locum, short for the Latin phrase locum tenens (lit. "place-holder," akin to lieutenant), is a person who temporarily fulfills the duties of another. For example, a Locum doctor is a doctor who works in the place of the regular doctor when that doctor is absent. These professionals are still governed by their respective regulatory bodies, despite the transient nature of their positions."
...so that explains that one.)
I called my locum, her name is Denise and she seemed really nice and positive, set my mind at rest about a few things and got me all buoyed up and confident that I can do it. What's nice actually, is that all of the staff of this diet thing have done it themselves before- they were obese and now they're not, which helps because I have always hated it when people tell me they know how I'm feeling (normally as they show me the half pound that they put on over Christmas) but I've seen pictures of Denise when she was my size so at least I don't have the words "skinny bitch" going around in my head every time she says she knows what I'm going through!!
So first thing I did was to test my pee. That's to see how my body is functioning and responding to the treatment. I pee in a bottle (which is an art in itself) and then someone I trust (my big brother) dips a papery thing in it and records the colour it turns and fills it in on a little chart. Apparently I'm a level 5, although whether this is a good thing or a not I have no idea.
Charts help. I'm going to make loads of charts of my weight going down and all of my measurements, and then I'm going to put them into Excel and colour code them and get all excited. These are the things that make me happy. It's a sad life, but I enjoy it. I may even buy some stationary!
Anyway, had a chocolate milkshake first thing, but I added too much water and it came out a bit weird. I drank it anyway and it was ok, nothing to write home about but I can definitely live with it. Had a bunch of stuff to do today, as it was a Saturday, so I kept nice and busy and didn't think about it much, but I really didn't get hungry until lunch.
I never know how much of what I eat is hunger and how much is just plain boredom, and that's what worries me slightly about this diet. I've read enough to know that it'll stop me being hungry, and curb my cravings, but how do I stop boredom/comfort eating? I guess that's where the will power bit comes in, and there are special bars and stuff that I've been given, but if I do fail (which I wont) then that will be why (even though I wont.)
So I got me a swanky new hairdo (to go with my new figure...a little premature some might say, but I've always been an optimist), and did some errands before lunch, which was a vegetable soup thing. Not a big vegetable person, so I wasn't really expecting to love that one, and I didn't. Luckily I'm allowed to choose the flavours I want, so I'll ask them to not send any more vegetabley things.
Then I went to see High School Musical 3 with a mate. Totally rocks. Zac Efron is totally hot. We were probably the only people in there who had hit puberty, but I danced my little heart out!
Supper was a butterscotch milkshake. Mixed it right this time and it was pretty tasty. Not Ben and Jerrys, but I could happily live off them for a while! I weighed myself again. Didn't see a difference, but I put it on my chart :) I rang my locum lady as well- they check up on you a lot during the first week, I guess because it's all pretty complicated and new. Apparently I'm still not drinking enough water (drank 3 litres and spent a good half of the day running to the bathroom!), but other than that I got me a gold star. Going to bed now because I have a bit of a headache coming on, hopefully will lose some weight in the night. Bridget Jones often did.
ps. According to the advertising (which I am a sucker for), "Howard's Way is the next best thing to going to bed and waking up thin." I'll let you know tomorrow!!!!!
The 'F' word
Do you know what I find hilariously hilarious? The effort people take to avoid mentioning the word 'fat' in front of me- do they think I've not noticed? That perhaps just saying the word within my vicinity will shatter my self esteem?
I've been called 'large,' 'round', and my personal favourite; 'cuddly.' Think I'd rather just be called fat and have done with it! The problem is of course, that the word fat now implies just about every negative characteristic under the sun; to be fat is to be stupid, lazy and probably flatulent as well.
So I officially start my diet today. I'm very excited! I got myself weighed last night though, and it turns out that I've put on 3 pounds since I signed up! How is that even possible!!!
I thought I'd been pretty good, but it just reaffirms to me that I have not got a clue about what is healthy and what is not (although even I knew that the two McDonalds mid week were probably not good). Looking forward to just being given food and taught what to avoid in the future! I was watching 'Mock the Week' and they were laughing at the idea of kids having lessons in how to eat fruit- sounds dumb, but if they can teach me a way of making fruit more appetising than chocolate cake then I'm sold!
So I'm now 15st 10pounds, which is my official start of diet weight. In 12 weeks time I'll be a svelte 12stone 10, and then I shall conquer the world (or at least be able to keep jeans for more than a few months without them rubbing holes in the thighs). I'm aiming for 3 stone, although I do know that I'll still be overweight. I wanted to pick an amount I knew was achievable, and go from there.
I shall eat/drink my first milkshake now. Hope it doesn't taste too ick and that it fills me up. Those are my main worries, but I spoke to my locum last night and she promised that they aren't too gross and that they fill you up as well as reducing your appetite. Sounds promising, but I shall let you know! Don't go away!!
I've been called 'large,' 'round', and my personal favourite; 'cuddly.' Think I'd rather just be called fat and have done with it! The problem is of course, that the word fat now implies just about every negative characteristic under the sun; to be fat is to be stupid, lazy and probably flatulent as well.
So I officially start my diet today. I'm very excited! I got myself weighed last night though, and it turns out that I've put on 3 pounds since I signed up! How is that even possible!!!
I thought I'd been pretty good, but it just reaffirms to me that I have not got a clue about what is healthy and what is not (although even I knew that the two McDonalds mid week were probably not good). Looking forward to just being given food and taught what to avoid in the future! I was watching 'Mock the Week' and they were laughing at the idea of kids having lessons in how to eat fruit- sounds dumb, but if they can teach me a way of making fruit more appetising than chocolate cake then I'm sold!
So I'm now 15st 10pounds, which is my official start of diet weight. In 12 weeks time I'll be a svelte 12stone 10, and then I shall conquer the world (or at least be able to keep jeans for more than a few months without them rubbing holes in the thighs). I'm aiming for 3 stone, although I do know that I'll still be overweight. I wanted to pick an amount I knew was achievable, and go from there.
I shall eat/drink my first milkshake now. Hope it doesn't taste too ick and that it fills me up. Those are my main worries, but I spoke to my locum last night and she promised that they aren't too gross and that they fill you up as well as reducing your appetite. Sounds promising, but I shall let you know! Don't go away!!
Wednesday 22 October 2008
TFR Total Food Replacement
Oooh, forgot to say- my food came today!
The Very Low Calorie Diet that I'm on is a TFR, or Total Food Replacement. That means I'm not allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING except what they give me (and water). I knew that bit already, but didn't realise how strict it was!
I'm not allowed to
- chew gum
- have headache tablets with sugar on (!)
- have milk or sugar in my coffee!
Apparently in a few days after I start (can't start til I've done a few more checks, which is good because there's so much information in the pack I got this morning that I don't even know where to begin!) I go in to 'Ketosis' which means "state in metabolism occurring when the liver excessively converts fat into fatty acids and ketone bodies which can be used by the body for energy" (gotta love Wiki!). This is apparently a good thing, because when it happens I don't crave food any more and my body uses is better able to use my stored glucose to run my body.
I hope I sounded like I knew what I was talking about there, I've been reading for hours and I'm still a bit confused. Guess that's why I go to Howard's Way for classes and support once a week!
The Very Low Calorie Diet that I'm on is a TFR, or Total Food Replacement. That means I'm not allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING except what they give me (and water). I knew that bit already, but didn't realise how strict it was!
I'm not allowed to
- chew gum
- have headache tablets with sugar on (!)
- have milk or sugar in my coffee!
Apparently in a few days after I start (can't start til I've done a few more checks, which is good because there's so much information in the pack I got this morning that I don't even know where to begin!) I go in to 'Ketosis' which means "state in metabolism occurring when the liver excessively converts fat into fatty acids and ketone bodies which can be used by the body for energy" (gotta love Wiki!). This is apparently a good thing, because when it happens I don't crave food any more and my body uses is better able to use my stored glucose to run my body.
I hope I sounded like I knew what I was talking about there, I've been reading for hours and I'm still a bit confused. Guess that's why I go to Howard's Way for classes and support once a week!
Kerry Katona, Surgery and VLCDs
You know what really upsets me? The weight (no pun intended) that people attach to a person's weight.
I'm obese, and every day I am met with people who assume that I am;
a) thick,
b) secretly pigging out on my secret stash of Mars Bars the second they leave the room (only sometimes true) and
c) constantly miserable about my weight and appearance.
Sure, I'm no Einstein, but that doesn't necessarily mean people need to slow down their speech in order for me to understand them.
Sure, I do eat more than the average person, but that doesn't mean I cannot restrain myself if there happen to be calories within 10 meters of me.
And sure, I don't exactly dance with joy when I look in the mirror each morning.
But that doesn't affect who I am as a person, any more than a person's race, colour or foot size does. I am who I am, despite, and perhaps because of my weight problems.
I saw Kerry Katona hurtling on towards a major career car crash today on "This Morning." She slurred her way through 10 minutes of concerned questions (of the 'are you an alcoholic?' variety) from the presenters (who were clearly seeing the headlines and future 'most embarassing TV moments' appearances in their mind's eye), and then buggered off to make more reality TV shows that no one watches.
She's just had "pints of fat sucked out" of her arse (on camera no doubt), and is back to a size 10 again. So the public watch her self destruct on booze and cocaine, then she uses the cash she earnt from the show to buy herself the surgery to remove the signs of it. No consequences, no responsibility, no sense.
There are millions of women in the world on diets, and a climbing number who can no longer be bothered with so slow and time consuming a process. They want results, and they want them now- that way they can get back to all that important eating and slobbing around that they need to do (why Mr. Kettle, you're looking awfully black today).
Dieting is not easy, but it's surely necessary to go through some pain in order to truly understand the importance of what you're doing? I'm reading constantly at the moment all the documents that Howard's Way have given me, and learning how to live a more healthy life when I come off this diet. Otherwise it's just a cartoon really isn't it? Just Wile E Coyote running off a cliff and falling harmlessly to the ground, when everyone knows he's going to be back on the cliff in five minutes again. Put him in traction for a few months, that's what I say- that'd have him forgetting about Road Runner pretty darned quick and making sure he was never so near damned cliff edge again!
Surgery just bugs me, it's expensive, potentially extremely dangerous, and there's no incentive to change your habits afterwards. A quick fix to what almost always a psychological problem.
So, the point that I'm trying to make is, diets work because they can change lives, not just jeans size.
oooh, catchy!
I'm obese, and every day I am met with people who assume that I am;
a) thick,
b) secretly pigging out on my secret stash of Mars Bars the second they leave the room (only sometimes true) and
c) constantly miserable about my weight and appearance.
Sure, I'm no Einstein, but that doesn't necessarily mean people need to slow down their speech in order for me to understand them.
Sure, I do eat more than the average person, but that doesn't mean I cannot restrain myself if there happen to be calories within 10 meters of me.
And sure, I don't exactly dance with joy when I look in the mirror each morning.
But that doesn't affect who I am as a person, any more than a person's race, colour or foot size does. I am who I am, despite, and perhaps because of my weight problems.
I saw Kerry Katona hurtling on towards a major career car crash today on "This Morning." She slurred her way through 10 minutes of concerned questions (of the 'are you an alcoholic?' variety) from the presenters (who were clearly seeing the headlines and future 'most embarassing TV moments' appearances in their mind's eye), and then buggered off to make more reality TV shows that no one watches.
She's just had "pints of fat sucked out" of her arse (on camera no doubt), and is back to a size 10 again. So the public watch her self destruct on booze and cocaine, then she uses the cash she earnt from the show to buy herself the surgery to remove the signs of it. No consequences, no responsibility, no sense.
There are millions of women in the world on diets, and a climbing number who can no longer be bothered with so slow and time consuming a process. They want results, and they want them now- that way they can get back to all that important eating and slobbing around that they need to do (why Mr. Kettle, you're looking awfully black today).
Dieting is not easy, but it's surely necessary to go through some pain in order to truly understand the importance of what you're doing? I'm reading constantly at the moment all the documents that Howard's Way have given me, and learning how to live a more healthy life when I come off this diet. Otherwise it's just a cartoon really isn't it? Just Wile E Coyote running off a cliff and falling harmlessly to the ground, when everyone knows he's going to be back on the cliff in five minutes again. Put him in traction for a few months, that's what I say- that'd have him forgetting about Road Runner pretty darned quick and making sure he was never so near damned cliff edge again!
Surgery just bugs me, it's expensive, potentially extremely dangerous, and there's no incentive to change your habits afterwards. A quick fix to what almost always a psychological problem.
So, the point that I'm trying to make is, diets work because they can change lives, not just jeans size.
oooh, catchy!
Sunday 19 October 2008
VLCD
I'm really excited today. I've been putting off writing a blog about the particular diet that I plan to do because I've been really worried they might not accept me. It's a diet program where they perform full medical tests and make sure that you've got your Doctor's permission to go ahead before they'll let you start. After my Doctor told me last time I saw him that I had to lose three stone or risk heart failure, I was absolutely petrified to go back to him a month later and not be any thinner!
It's not like I've wasted that month. I've been researching diet plans really carefully, because I just can't fail this time! I wanted a diet that didn't involve calorie counting (because frankly my maths isn't brilliant and it's waaaaay too easy to cheat), loses the weight quickly but safely (I don't care if it's not the happiest 12 weeks of my life, I just need to lose 3 stone), that had guaranteed results, and preferably didn't involve me strutting around in a leotard doing butt thrusts. Basically I wanted a diet that was quick, effective, safe, simple to follow and impossible to cheat.
So I spent ages researching, and came across the idea of a VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diet). It's a diet that delivers less than 800 calories per day, which is apparently the exact amount that we need and no more. They're "formulated, nutritionally complete, liquid meals containing 3350 kJ (800 kcal) or less per day. VLCDs also contain the recommended daily requirements for vitamins, minerals, trace elements, fatty acids and protein. The VLCD products are usually a powder which is mixed with water or another low calorie liquid" according to the all knowing Wikipedia.
So I looked in to a few VLCD companies, and I've gone for HOWARD'S WAY!
QUICK: tick. Apparently the average is over 3 stones in 12 weeks.
EFFECTIVE: tick. 3 STONE IN 12 WEEKS! Do you have any idea how long that normally takes!
SAFE: tick. Hence the Doctor's approval being necessary, plus constant medical checkups (and I think they monitor your pee, which is kinda gross but I can deal with it.)
SIMPLE: tick. all food provided- what could be easier!
IMPOSSIBLE TO CHEAT: tick. Can't cheat if it's all provided. No 'forgetting' that I ate a chocolate bar when adding up my daily intake! Also, there's something called "Ketosis" which is something that your body goes into after a few days on these milkshakes which supposedly stops your cravings. And if you do have something naughty after that they can tell because it's in your pee!)
I had a friend who recommended them (Howards Way) after losing 5 stone(!) with them last year. The reason I think it worked so well with her is because they taught her about what different foods do to the body while she was on the program, so she learnt what not to eat. To be honest, and I know this sounds dumb, but I'm not really sure what's bad and what isn't. I mean, I know that chocolate is bad and apples are good, but why is white bread not as good as brown bread? Sarah (said friend) is always looking at me accusingly when I'm about to munch down on a sandwich, which you would've thought was a pretty healthy snack really, and goes on about broken down starch or something...possibly if I listened more I wouldn't have a BMI of 40 and wouldn't wobble when I walk.
Anyway, my point is that last time I did a diet (Weightwatchers) I lost about 3 stone in just under a year, with huge amounts of hard effort, self denial, weekly humiliation and time at the gym hiding until all the fit people had left, only to put it all on again within 8 months (and then some). This time I want to learn about food and to get in to better habits.
So. I started this post by saying that I was excited, and then proceeded to waffle my way through the subsequent paragraphs without really saying what I was excited about... I got in to the program! They've accepted my application, I've filled in all the paperwork, done my medical examination, my Doctor was really happy with me, and by this time next week I shall be considerably lighter and spending my evenings peeing in a bottle!
(Let me hear you say woop woop!)
It's not like I've wasted that month. I've been researching diet plans really carefully, because I just can't fail this time! I wanted a diet that didn't involve calorie counting (because frankly my maths isn't brilliant and it's waaaaay too easy to cheat), loses the weight quickly but safely (I don't care if it's not the happiest 12 weeks of my life, I just need to lose 3 stone), that had guaranteed results, and preferably didn't involve me strutting around in a leotard doing butt thrusts. Basically I wanted a diet that was quick, effective, safe, simple to follow and impossible to cheat.
So I spent ages researching, and came across the idea of a VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diet). It's a diet that delivers less than 800 calories per day, which is apparently the exact amount that we need and no more. They're "formulated, nutritionally complete, liquid meals containing 3350 kJ (800 kcal) or less per day. VLCDs also contain the recommended daily requirements for vitamins, minerals, trace elements, fatty acids and protein. The VLCD products are usually a powder which is mixed with water or another low calorie liquid" according to the all knowing Wikipedia.
So I looked in to a few VLCD companies, and I've gone for HOWARD'S WAY!
QUICK: tick. Apparently the average is over 3 stones in 12 weeks.
EFFECTIVE: tick. 3 STONE IN 12 WEEKS! Do you have any idea how long that normally takes!
SAFE: tick. Hence the Doctor's approval being necessary, plus constant medical checkups (and I think they monitor your pee, which is kinda gross but I can deal with it.)
SIMPLE: tick. all food provided- what could be easier!
IMPOSSIBLE TO CHEAT: tick. Can't cheat if it's all provided. No 'forgetting' that I ate a chocolate bar when adding up my daily intake! Also, there's something called "Ketosis" which is something that your body goes into after a few days on these milkshakes which supposedly stops your cravings. And if you do have something naughty after that they can tell because it's in your pee!)
I had a friend who recommended them (Howards Way) after losing 5 stone(!) with them last year. The reason I think it worked so well with her is because they taught her about what different foods do to the body while she was on the program, so she learnt what not to eat. To be honest, and I know this sounds dumb, but I'm not really sure what's bad and what isn't. I mean, I know that chocolate is bad and apples are good, but why is white bread not as good as brown bread? Sarah (said friend) is always looking at me accusingly when I'm about to munch down on a sandwich, which you would've thought was a pretty healthy snack really, and goes on about broken down starch or something...possibly if I listened more I wouldn't have a BMI of 40 and wouldn't wobble when I walk.
Anyway, my point is that last time I did a diet (Weightwatchers) I lost about 3 stone in just under a year, with huge amounts of hard effort, self denial, weekly humiliation and time at the gym hiding until all the fit people had left, only to put it all on again within 8 months (and then some). This time I want to learn about food and to get in to better habits.
So. I started this post by saying that I was excited, and then proceeded to waffle my way through the subsequent paragraphs without really saying what I was excited about... I got in to the program! They've accepted my application, I've filled in all the paperwork, done my medical examination, my Doctor was really happy with me, and by this time next week I shall be considerably lighter and spending my evenings peeing in a bottle!
(Let me hear you say woop woop!)
Tuesday 14 October 2008
Obesity Challenge
I figured if anyone is going to read the story of my extreme diet, they should probably know a thing or two about me. I spent ages trying to type out a few paragraphs that explained who I am, how I got the way I am, and how I feel about it all, but nothing really came out (then I got upset and went to the kitchen and we all know that is a BAD IDEA. Took a whole lotta will power to walk away from the squidgey chocolate gooey cake that some bugger put there to tempt me).
Anyway, to cut a long a slightly meandering story short, I got a friend to ask me some questions and I've answered them as honestly as I can.
MEASUREMENTS:
weight: 15stone 7pounds (98.5kg)
height: 5ft 2inches (158cm) -yes I know I'm small!
BMI: 40
bust: 127cm
waist: 115cm
hips: 123cm
1. How long have you been overweight?
Although I've probably always been a little on the chubby side, it was in sixth form (when I was about 17) that I started putting on the serious weight. I'm 24 now, and although I've gone up and down a few times, it's been at least 7 years since I was a vaguely healthy weight.
2. Do you think there's a reason you started putting on the weight in the first place?
As with every obese person, I'm sure there's a whole bunch of reasons. My parent's divorced when I was young, and although I don't want to put all the blame on that, it did shake my confidence a lot and probably led me to comfort eating.
Also, my Dad is a chef, and brings home pastries and cakes practically every night so there's always been temptation in my way. I think one of the main things I'll have to overcome if I'm to lose this weight is to resist the temptation of eating what's in the cupboards at home!
Everyone talks about the "vicious cycle" of comfort eating, and it's so true. I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I get bullied, and I get bullied because I eat. I'm not doing this diet for the bullies, I'm doing it for me, but a large part of it is regaining the self-esteem that I've lost through being bullied most of my life.
3. How does being overweight make you feel?
I think the predominant feeling is one of being different; of not fitting in. In the school yard and even in the work place, the crime of "not fitting in" is punishable by verbal torment and social ostracism (which was REALLY helpful to my already fairly fragile ego of course). I feel ugly, lazy and tired most of the time.
4. What do you eat on an average day?
hmmm... Lots.
Basically I have my three meals a day and then punctuate it with snacks and pastries and chocolate and all sorts of yummy things that serve no other purpose than making me feel better and adding another pound or two to my already volumptuous arse.
5. Do people comment on your weight?
Not much to my face, I think people are kinda used to it now. When I lost some weight on WeightWatchers last year I really enjoyed getting the compliments that came with it, but of course, that weight all went back on pretty darned fast. That's why I've taken care to pick a diet program this time that provides more after care and support.
6. How does it affect your everyday life?
Mostly in tiredness. I can't keep up with other people that well, and that makes me feel like a burden which (guess what) has me reaching for the chocolatey goodness.
7. What made you decide to start this diet?
Because I'm ready to change my life.
8. Has your weight caused any health problems?
I went to the doctors recently, who gave me a pretty stern talking to about the pressure that I was putting on my heart, as well as my high blood pressure and chances of developing diabetes. He scared the living daylights out of me to be honest, and for that, I thank him because it was the kick up the backside that jump-started this whole thing.
9. What is your ultimate aim?
- To lose 3 stone.
- To lose my double chin
- To touch my toes
- To be healthier, happier and more confident in myself.
10. What are your main doubts and worries?
As a compulsive comfort eater, I worry that my cravings will be stronger than my resolve. It will take me 12 weeks to lose 3 stone, and that's a long time to be strong.
Anyway, to cut a long a slightly meandering story short, I got a friend to ask me some questions and I've answered them as honestly as I can.
MEASUREMENTS:
weight: 15stone 7pounds (98.5kg)
height: 5ft 2inches (158cm) -yes I know I'm small!
BMI: 40
bust: 127cm
waist: 115cm
hips: 123cm
1. How long have you been overweight?
Although I've probably always been a little on the chubby side, it was in sixth form (when I was about 17) that I started putting on the serious weight. I'm 24 now, and although I've gone up and down a few times, it's been at least 7 years since I was a vaguely healthy weight.
2. Do you think there's a reason you started putting on the weight in the first place?
As with every obese person, I'm sure there's a whole bunch of reasons. My parent's divorced when I was young, and although I don't want to put all the blame on that, it did shake my confidence a lot and probably led me to comfort eating.
Also, my Dad is a chef, and brings home pastries and cakes practically every night so there's always been temptation in my way. I think one of the main things I'll have to overcome if I'm to lose this weight is to resist the temptation of eating what's in the cupboards at home!
Everyone talks about the "vicious cycle" of comfort eating, and it's so true. I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I get bullied, and I get bullied because I eat. I'm not doing this diet for the bullies, I'm doing it for me, but a large part of it is regaining the self-esteem that I've lost through being bullied most of my life.
3. How does being overweight make you feel?
I think the predominant feeling is one of being different; of not fitting in. In the school yard and even in the work place, the crime of "not fitting in" is punishable by verbal torment and social ostracism (which was REALLY helpful to my already fairly fragile ego of course). I feel ugly, lazy and tired most of the time.
4. What do you eat on an average day?
hmmm... Lots.
Basically I have my three meals a day and then punctuate it with snacks and pastries and chocolate and all sorts of yummy things that serve no other purpose than making me feel better and adding another pound or two to my already volumptuous arse.
5. Do people comment on your weight?
Not much to my face, I think people are kinda used to it now. When I lost some weight on WeightWatchers last year I really enjoyed getting the compliments that came with it, but of course, that weight all went back on pretty darned fast. That's why I've taken care to pick a diet program this time that provides more after care and support.
6. How does it affect your everyday life?
Mostly in tiredness. I can't keep up with other people that well, and that makes me feel like a burden which (guess what) has me reaching for the chocolatey goodness.
7. What made you decide to start this diet?
Because I'm ready to change my life.
8. Has your weight caused any health problems?
I went to the doctors recently, who gave me a pretty stern talking to about the pressure that I was putting on my heart, as well as my high blood pressure and chances of developing diabetes. He scared the living daylights out of me to be honest, and for that, I thank him because it was the kick up the backside that jump-started this whole thing.
9. What is your ultimate aim?
- To lose 3 stone.
- To lose my double chin
- To touch my toes
- To be healthier, happier and more confident in myself.
10. What are your main doubts and worries?
As a compulsive comfort eater, I worry that my cravings will be stronger than my resolve. It will take me 12 weeks to lose 3 stone, and that's a long time to be strong.
Monday 13 October 2008
It has to start somewhere
Hi, my name is Emma Wood, and I am obese. Very.
I've known it for a while, but I guess I never really admitted it to myself. You read all the time about how Britain is growing fatter, and how obesity is one of the largest causes of premature death after AIDS and cancer, but it never really occurs to you how much it affects you. You roll your eyes at the statistics, and you gasp in horror when seeing people who can no longer leave their beds. Then you look down and try to remember when the last time that you saw your own feet was.
I don't want to be a statistic. I've finally accepted that I have a problem, and I am determined to do something about it. I have over 3 stone to lose just to go back to being overweight, but I can't do it alone. That's why I started this blog; I've read other blogs of people who have lost lots of weight, and they did it through the help and support of the online community. There are hundreds of other people out there in a similar situation to me, and I need to draw strength from them and, hopefully, provide inspiration in my turn.
Please help me in this.
Thank you, and I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Please feel free to comment or to message me about anything you want.
Emma
Traditional "BEFORE" shots:
I've known it for a while, but I guess I never really admitted it to myself. You read all the time about how Britain is growing fatter, and how obesity is one of the largest causes of premature death after AIDS and cancer, but it never really occurs to you how much it affects you. You roll your eyes at the statistics, and you gasp in horror when seeing people who can no longer leave their beds. Then you look down and try to remember when the last time that you saw your own feet was.
I don't want to be a statistic. I've finally accepted that I have a problem, and I am determined to do something about it. I have over 3 stone to lose just to go back to being overweight, but I can't do it alone. That's why I started this blog; I've read other blogs of people who have lost lots of weight, and they did it through the help and support of the online community. There are hundreds of other people out there in a similar situation to me, and I need to draw strength from them and, hopefully, provide inspiration in my turn.
Please help me in this.
Thank you, and I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Please feel free to comment or to message me about anything you want.
Emma
Traditional "BEFORE" shots:
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