GUESS WHAT!!! I can't talk for long because I've got an entire night of TV scheduled (sad but true) but I wanted everyone here to know that he asked me out again!!! He rang me up this time, I have no idea where he got my phone number from, but after a slightly embarrassing conversation where I couldn't actually figure out who he was, he asked me to the cinema!
AND I SAID YES!!!
I think I probably always knew I'd say yes - all that umming and aahring was probably just a defence mechanism in case he didn't ask again, but as soon as he asked (once I'd figured out who it was) I said yes straight away! We're going to the cinema I think, next week once all the crazy New Year stuff is over. Just think how much weight I can lose by then!!!
Which means I'll be starting 2009 with an actual man who is actually interested in dating me! And I can't possibly mess it up before Jan 1st because I'm not even going to see him before then!
I'm noticing I use an awful lot of exclamation marks when I'm writing in this blog. My English teacher always said that they were a lazy way of showing excitement, and that I should let the emotion come through in the language instead. So Sir, if you're listening, I'm really seriously excited. Really.
AND there's a whole night of Sex and the City ahead of me!!
If this doesn't call for a giant party popper I don't know what does!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday 29 December 2008
Saturday 27 December 2008
Post Christmas weighing up
Hello all,
You'll be delighted to hear that I am infact not dead!
Neither have I fallen off the wagon or run away to the Carribean with the guy who asked me out a few weeks ago. I've just been a bit carried away with the whole Christmas thing!
It's been very exciting! First there was the 'what to wear at the Office Christmas Party' debate, which I'm sure you're gutted you missed out on. It was a huge decision of course, being an opportunity to show off the fact that I now have a neck and can walk rather than waddle, as well as being (I thought) the perfect opportunity for that guy to get up a little dutch courage and to ask me out again (no such luck). There've been lots of parties of course, but I haven't been to that many of them this year because a) can't drink, and although I'm not a huge drinker, watching people around me getting steadily more inebriated before collapsing in a corner and blubbering that everyone hates them is not my idea of fun and b) I'm mid-diet and didn't want to buy too many fancy outfits that wont fit me in a months time.
Then there was the whole 'Christmas meal,' which has always been really important to me as a family event and I was upset to think I might miss it, especially as it had been my birthday a few days before and I'd not had a cake or anything (ALTHOUGH, when people can't buy you chocolate as a present, you do get a lot more imaginative gifts, which was GREAT!!!). I got given a list of things I could and couldn't eat on the day, and actually it was quite relaxed. I thought they'd say I could have a slice of turkey and a piece of bread or something, but I was allowed pretty much everything except potatoes (I'm sure I should be able to tell you why, what with all the reading I've been doing, but I have no idea why potatos are so bad. Probably something to do with ketosis. Most things are.)
So that was great. I'm a bit worried now that I'll start craving foods again, especially as there's sooooo much about at the moment, but so far everytime I've had a craving, I've looked at those photos I posted a few days ago and that's got me through it.
I wanted to thank everyone by the way, for being so supportive of those photos. When I took the earlier photos I thought no one would ever see them except for me (Howard's Way recommend taking photos all the time, because actually, even though I've now lost 3 stone in 2.5 months, I wouldn't have thought there was much difference if I hadn't seen them), and it was pretty scary putting them up there, but everyone's been just so nice about it.
So now, as the rest of the country bemoans the fact that they've just eaten enough to feed a small developing country, is petrified of their credit card bill and is giving serious consideration to joining a gym, I'm still plodding away on my journey out of the purple area of the BMI chart, with a spring in my step and a tune on my tongue. Christmas was hard, but I made it. Bring on Easter!!!
You'll be delighted to hear that I am infact not dead!
Neither have I fallen off the wagon or run away to the Carribean with the guy who asked me out a few weeks ago. I've just been a bit carried away with the whole Christmas thing!
It's been very exciting! First there was the 'what to wear at the Office Christmas Party' debate, which I'm sure you're gutted you missed out on. It was a huge decision of course, being an opportunity to show off the fact that I now have a neck and can walk rather than waddle, as well as being (I thought) the perfect opportunity for that guy to get up a little dutch courage and to ask me out again (no such luck). There've been lots of parties of course, but I haven't been to that many of them this year because a) can't drink, and although I'm not a huge drinker, watching people around me getting steadily more inebriated before collapsing in a corner and blubbering that everyone hates them is not my idea of fun and b) I'm mid-diet and didn't want to buy too many fancy outfits that wont fit me in a months time.
Then there was the whole 'Christmas meal,' which has always been really important to me as a family event and I was upset to think I might miss it, especially as it had been my birthday a few days before and I'd not had a cake or anything (ALTHOUGH, when people can't buy you chocolate as a present, you do get a lot more imaginative gifts, which was GREAT!!!). I got given a list of things I could and couldn't eat on the day, and actually it was quite relaxed. I thought they'd say I could have a slice of turkey and a piece of bread or something, but I was allowed pretty much everything except potatoes (I'm sure I should be able to tell you why, what with all the reading I've been doing, but I have no idea why potatos are so bad. Probably something to do with ketosis. Most things are.)
So that was great. I'm a bit worried now that I'll start craving foods again, especially as there's sooooo much about at the moment, but so far everytime I've had a craving, I've looked at those photos I posted a few days ago and that's got me through it.
I wanted to thank everyone by the way, for being so supportive of those photos. When I took the earlier photos I thought no one would ever see them except for me (Howard's Way recommend taking photos all the time, because actually, even though I've now lost 3 stone in 2.5 months, I wouldn't have thought there was much difference if I hadn't seen them), and it was pretty scary putting them up there, but everyone's been just so nice about it.
So now, as the rest of the country bemoans the fact that they've just eaten enough to feed a small developing country, is petrified of their credit card bill and is giving serious consideration to joining a gym, I'm still plodding away on my journey out of the purple area of the BMI chart, with a spring in my step and a tune on my tongue. Christmas was hard, but I made it. Bring on Easter!!!
Tuesday 16 December 2008
CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited about Christmas I can hardly sit down!
I thought a while ago that I wouldn't be able to get excited with the prospect of sitting at the table, sucking on my milkshake, while everyone else stuffs themselves stupid with turkey and brussel sprouts before retiring to the sitting room to fill any remaining belly space with the nasty toffee Quality Streets that have been left.
It's going to be a weird Christmas anyway because it's the first year my big brother Aaron's not going to be there, so I'll miss him nearly as much as I'll miss the food. It's not even the food really, it's just the activity of the food and the togetherness it brings - I'll still do lots of cooking and decorating and stuff, but Christmas is about family and the dinner is one of the few times when everyone is together and there's no arguments or rushing off to talk on mobiles or anything. Everyone else'll be tucking in to something we all cooked while I'll be savouring my oh so nutritous milkshake and I wont feel like a part of the same event/family.
Still, I like to keep traditions going, so I've made the Christmas Log and the Christmas Cake and mince pies and everything. I've mastered my impulses to snack whilst cooking, which was starting to make me look like I had a twitch or a hand that obeyed some unseen shoulder devil. I've found that I quite like cooking just for the fun of it, and I don't particularly want to eat the food I'm handling - its just nice to see other people enjoying it.
God I've changed actually! I've just noticed it as I typed that, but a month ago watching other people enjoying food was like watching them urinating on my grave, and now I'm actually providing them with food! I wonder what brought that on! Guess it must be the fact I'm turning 25 next week!
(see how I got that in all subtley? God I'm cunning!)
I have been told I'll be allowed something a bit different on Christmas day. There's a list of things I'll be allowed and things I wont be, so hopefully it'll include a few tasty bits. I don't know if that's a good thing or not to be honest, I certainly don't want the cravings to come back again but then I want to feel like a part of my family at Christmas. I want to be normal!
I thought a while ago that I wouldn't be able to get excited with the prospect of sitting at the table, sucking on my milkshake, while everyone else stuffs themselves stupid with turkey and brussel sprouts before retiring to the sitting room to fill any remaining belly space with the nasty toffee Quality Streets that have been left.
It's going to be a weird Christmas anyway because it's the first year my big brother Aaron's not going to be there, so I'll miss him nearly as much as I'll miss the food. It's not even the food really, it's just the activity of the food and the togetherness it brings - I'll still do lots of cooking and decorating and stuff, but Christmas is about family and the dinner is one of the few times when everyone is together and there's no arguments or rushing off to talk on mobiles or anything. Everyone else'll be tucking in to something we all cooked while I'll be savouring my oh so nutritous milkshake and I wont feel like a part of the same event/family.
Still, I like to keep traditions going, so I've made the Christmas Log and the Christmas Cake and mince pies and everything. I've mastered my impulses to snack whilst cooking, which was starting to make me look like I had a twitch or a hand that obeyed some unseen shoulder devil. I've found that I quite like cooking just for the fun of it, and I don't particularly want to eat the food I'm handling - its just nice to see other people enjoying it.
God I've changed actually! I've just noticed it as I typed that, but a month ago watching other people enjoying food was like watching them urinating on my grave, and now I'm actually providing them with food! I wonder what brought that on! Guess it must be the fact I'm turning 25 next week!
(see how I got that in all subtley? God I'm cunning!)
I have been told I'll be allowed something a bit different on Christmas day. There's a list of things I'll be allowed and things I wont be, so hopefully it'll include a few tasty bits. I don't know if that's a good thing or not to be honest, I certainly don't want the cravings to come back again but then I want to feel like a part of my family at Christmas. I want to be normal!
Thursday 11 December 2008
A weight off my mind (and body)
I went to see my locum yesterday as a sort of 'half way through' check up. So these measurements are completely accurate and not subject to dodgey scales or wishful thinking.
In 7 weeks since I started I've gone from a hippo-tastic 15'10 to an aerodynamic 13'2! That's 2 stone 8 pounds in 7 weeks! I've lost 13cm from my boobs, 11 from my tummy and 11 from my hips! Doors that I once had to navigate myself through I am now dancing through whilst shaking my considerably smaller booty.
AND my hair hasn't all fallen out, which everyone assured me it would.
AND I've been asked out!
AND I told one of the not very nice people at work to shove off today, instead of muttering sarcastic quips under my breath and then running back to my computer to tell everyone about them on here.
If I had a party popper I'd pop it right now and hang the consequences.
AND, JUST TO REMIND YOU, WEEK 0
Still no news on the man I'm afraid. Haven't even seen him since. Am getting all sorts of very conflicting advice - should I go seek him out myself? Should I flirt with someone near to him (a laughable suggestion, clearly put forward by someone who's never seen me attempting to flirt)? Should I remain aloof and wait? Or should I just chalk it up to experience and remember that I'm not even entirely sure if I like him anyway!?! It's a bit of a conundrum quite frankly!
In 7 weeks since I started I've gone from a hippo-tastic 15'10 to an aerodynamic 13'2! That's 2 stone 8 pounds in 7 weeks! I've lost 13cm from my boobs, 11 from my tummy and 11 from my hips! Doors that I once had to navigate myself through I am now dancing through whilst shaking my considerably smaller booty.
AND my hair hasn't all fallen out, which everyone assured me it would.
AND I've been asked out!
AND I told one of the not very nice people at work to shove off today, instead of muttering sarcastic quips under my breath and then running back to my computer to tell everyone about them on here.
If I had a party popper I'd pop it right now and hang the consequences.
WEEK 7
AND, JUST TO REMIND YOU, WEEK 0
Still no news on the man I'm afraid. Haven't even seen him since. Am getting all sorts of very conflicting advice - should I go seek him out myself? Should I flirt with someone near to him (a laughable suggestion, clearly put forward by someone who's never seen me attempting to flirt)? Should I remain aloof and wait? Or should I just chalk it up to experience and remember that I'm not even entirely sure if I like him anyway!?! It's a bit of a conundrum quite frankly!
Tuesday 9 December 2008
Boys and Girls
Weight: 13.7 - 13.9 (remind me to only use my own scales from now on. The official ones at Tescos clearly hate me)
Had the best weekend ever. After all of the excitement on Thursday I was literally walking on clouds for at least 3 days. Got half way to work on Friday before I noticed I was strutting! (New development by the way, I always took the bus before but I'm finding that I have the energy to walk now, which has helped speed the weight loss up again)
Friday was spent surreptitiously staring at the door in case he came in, whilst breathing in and out as slowly as possible and doing bugger all work. I have no idea how the pretty people ever get any work done at all!
Anyway, he never came in so I've probably blown it completely by my staggering lack of cool and togetherness, but I still spent the entire weekend discussing it in minute detail with my friends. Every look, every gesture, every word of the 5 minute conversation we had was analysed in depth, along with everything I know or have ever suspected about him. Then there was the obligatory trip to the gym, nail painting session, face masks and hair cut. I feel like a new woman! And the weight is falling off too! All this stress is clearly working for me!
Then on Monday, disaster struck. I had a feeling it might happen on Sunday night, a growing dread gnawing in my insides. I woke up on Monday morning and went to the mirror and my worst suspicions were confirmed. I have a spot.
And what's even more annoying is that I really don't get spots. I don't have a huge amount of good features, but my skin has never really caused me any problems or crippling embarrassment. And what have I been eating to cause this? Milkshakes and soups! Not Mars bars and McDonalds like I was a few weeks ago - clearly someone hates me, and clearly they have a vindictive sense of humour.
So, instead of facing my fears and hoping that this guy will accept me for who I am (because that's been working so well for me!) I spent most of the day hiding in toilets and around doors in case I saw him, or trying to work whilst blocking my chin with my hand in case he suddenly appeared.
And frankly I don't even know if I even really like this guy. I hardly know him. Am I just so overcome with gratitude and excitement and the faintest hint of a romance that I'll jump on the first guy who shows the slightest interest?
SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Had the best weekend ever. After all of the excitement on Thursday I was literally walking on clouds for at least 3 days. Got half way to work on Friday before I noticed I was strutting! (New development by the way, I always took the bus before but I'm finding that I have the energy to walk now, which has helped speed the weight loss up again)
Friday was spent surreptitiously staring at the door in case he came in, whilst breathing in and out as slowly as possible and doing bugger all work. I have no idea how the pretty people ever get any work done at all!
Anyway, he never came in so I've probably blown it completely by my staggering lack of cool and togetherness, but I still spent the entire weekend discussing it in minute detail with my friends. Every look, every gesture, every word of the 5 minute conversation we had was analysed in depth, along with everything I know or have ever suspected about him. Then there was the obligatory trip to the gym, nail painting session, face masks and hair cut. I feel like a new woman! And the weight is falling off too! All this stress is clearly working for me!
Then on Monday, disaster struck. I had a feeling it might happen on Sunday night, a growing dread gnawing in my insides. I woke up on Monday morning and went to the mirror and my worst suspicions were confirmed. I have a spot.
And what's even more annoying is that I really don't get spots. I don't have a huge amount of good features, but my skin has never really caused me any problems or crippling embarrassment. And what have I been eating to cause this? Milkshakes and soups! Not Mars bars and McDonalds like I was a few weeks ago - clearly someone hates me, and clearly they have a vindictive sense of humour.
So, instead of facing my fears and hoping that this guy will accept me for who I am (because that's been working so well for me!) I spent most of the day hiding in toilets and around doors in case I saw him, or trying to work whilst blocking my chin with my hand in case he suddenly appeared.
And frankly I don't even know if I even really like this guy. I hardly know him. Am I just so overcome with gratitude and excitement and the faintest hint of a romance that I'll jump on the first guy who shows the slightest interest?
SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Thursday 4 December 2008
omgomgomgomgomgOMG!!!
Today is the happiest I've ever been. This is it. Final. Full Stop. Life could end here and I don't think I'd mind one jot (except that tomorrow could be even better of course...)
Thursday December 4th. The Happiest Day of Ever. The day I got asked out on a date. By an actual boy.
I've been obese for a long time. Since they invented the word really. Needless to say I don't have the boys swooning over me, and part of me had almost stopped caring. Probably a defence mechanism (one of many), but I've just stopped spending my days worrying about boys/romances/crushes because they're so alien to my life.
And I have a good life, a fulfilling life that involves friends and family and laughter. But just not boys. Not romance, not even the hope of one. I told myself I didn't care, but the way I'm feeling right now, if that's how the skinny pretty people feel all the time, then I just can't believe anyone has a need for prozac!
I didn't think people actually got asked out anymore. Not like "would you like to go out on a date with me" anyway. Seems like something that'd happen to Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston or someone. I see people getting together on the dance floor or at parties all the time, but I've never even heard of a guy actually getting up the courage to ask a girl out properly, but it happened today!
And I completely blew it! I was so shocked that I just stared, open mouthed for a good 6 hours, and by the time I did manage to get a word out ("mimblewibble") he was so embarrassed that he ran off, fell over, and will probably never return.
Doesn't matter though, as I suck down my milkshake with slightly more gusto than usual. Because I got asked out. And these brighter clothes are clearly working their magic!
Thursday December 4th. The Happiest Day of Ever. The day I got asked out on a date. By an actual boy.
I've been obese for a long time. Since they invented the word really. Needless to say I don't have the boys swooning over me, and part of me had almost stopped caring. Probably a defence mechanism (one of many), but I've just stopped spending my days worrying about boys/romances/crushes because they're so alien to my life.
And I have a good life, a fulfilling life that involves friends and family and laughter. But just not boys. Not romance, not even the hope of one. I told myself I didn't care, but the way I'm feeling right now, if that's how the skinny pretty people feel all the time, then I just can't believe anyone has a need for prozac!
I didn't think people actually got asked out anymore. Not like "would you like to go out on a date with me" anyway. Seems like something that'd happen to Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston or someone. I see people getting together on the dance floor or at parties all the time, but I've never even heard of a guy actually getting up the courage to ask a girl out properly, but it happened today!
And I completely blew it! I was so shocked that I just stared, open mouthed for a good 6 hours, and by the time I did manage to get a word out ("mimblewibble") he was so embarrassed that he ran off, fell over, and will probably never return.
Doesn't matter though, as I suck down my milkshake with slightly more gusto than usual. Because I got asked out. And these brighter clothes are clearly working their magic!
Tuesday 2 December 2008
Dull and Dreary
Apparently, I'm dreary.
I was informed of this at work today. A lady that I know reasonably well came up and we had the traditional conversation about how well I'm doing, and how much weight I've lost and how she knows someone who could definitely benefit from the same program and can I give her the number (I really think Howard's Way should be paying me for my advertising services, every pound I shed seems to get them another member!)
Anyway, we went through all that, and at the end she casually mentioned that I should go and get some nice, bright colourful clothes to draw a bit of attention to myself. She walked off and I was left looking down at my clothing, slightly perplexed about what she meant. I'm not the kind of person to draw attention to myself much, but surely I dressed the same as everyone else?
Grey shirt, Black skirt, Black tights and black shoes. Topped off with a black coat and scarf. Not about to dazzle anyone. Then I looked around me at the other people in the room. A riot of colours glared back at me, each one screaming for my attention. Greens, Purples, Reds, Yellows, Oranges... and do you know what? I don't have a single one of those colours in my entire wardrobe.
I really don't. I got home and tore everything out and laid it on my bed, and sorted it in to colours. I had four. Black, Grey, Brown and Navy. Four piles. Four choices. None of them exactly eye catching. And I've honestly never really noticed this before!
And all of these girls in my office, the ones who keep getting promoted and getting asked out and who generally seem to have it together so much more than I do, I'm willing to bet that they all have more than four colour choices in their wardrobes.
So I'm going shopping now, and I'm going to be bold and I'm going to be brave and I'm going to at least double my options. I still don't have a body that I'm proud of or want to draw attention to, and I'm only half way through my diet so still have lots to lose (so it's probably a complete waste of money), but I'm sick of being dreary. I'm sick of being passed by. I'm sick of not being worth looking at.
I know that the clothes I've chosen have been almost entirely dictated by my insecurities about my weight, but none of the other girls in my office have perfect bodies (far from it) and that doesn't seem to stop them being bright and confident. My turn.
I was informed of this at work today. A lady that I know reasonably well came up and we had the traditional conversation about how well I'm doing, and how much weight I've lost and how she knows someone who could definitely benefit from the same program and can I give her the number (I really think Howard's Way should be paying me for my advertising services, every pound I shed seems to get them another member!)
Anyway, we went through all that, and at the end she casually mentioned that I should go and get some nice, bright colourful clothes to draw a bit of attention to myself. She walked off and I was left looking down at my clothing, slightly perplexed about what she meant. I'm not the kind of person to draw attention to myself much, but surely I dressed the same as everyone else?
Grey shirt, Black skirt, Black tights and black shoes. Topped off with a black coat and scarf. Not about to dazzle anyone. Then I looked around me at the other people in the room. A riot of colours glared back at me, each one screaming for my attention. Greens, Purples, Reds, Yellows, Oranges... and do you know what? I don't have a single one of those colours in my entire wardrobe.
I really don't. I got home and tore everything out and laid it on my bed, and sorted it in to colours. I had four. Black, Grey, Brown and Navy. Four piles. Four choices. None of them exactly eye catching. And I've honestly never really noticed this before!
And all of these girls in my office, the ones who keep getting promoted and getting asked out and who generally seem to have it together so much more than I do, I'm willing to bet that they all have more than four colour choices in their wardrobes.
So I'm going shopping now, and I'm going to be bold and I'm going to be brave and I'm going to at least double my options. I still don't have a body that I'm proud of or want to draw attention to, and I'm only half way through my diet so still have lots to lose (so it's probably a complete waste of money), but I'm sick of being dreary. I'm sick of being passed by. I'm sick of not being worth looking at.
I know that the clothes I've chosen have been almost entirely dictated by my insecurities about my weight, but none of the other girls in my office have perfect bodies (far from it) and that doesn't seem to stop them being bright and confident. My turn.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
