Today was shit. And it should've been so good. I'm down to 14'9, which means that I've lost a stone already. I fit in to that top I've not worn since I brought it two years ago. My jeans need a belt. My boss said how good I was looking. For the first time since I honestly can't remember when, I looked in the mirror and didn't hate what I saw - do you have any idea what that can do for your self confidence!?!?
So I was practically soaring on my way to work this morning, my feet barely touched the ground, and I was singing my little heart out on the bus (note to self: other people can still hear you when you're wearing headphones!)
So, I hear you cry, what dampened this perfect mood? What cloud could possibly have blackened my mood on today of all days, when my arse is looking so excitingly like an arse rather than a marshmellow.
Can't you guess?
It was girls. Bloody shitty crappy snotty bitchy girls.
And I love them, hell, some of my best friends are girls. But god damn it, we can be bitchy when we want to!
Would any nice, normal, vaguely humane person, bring in a homemade chocolate cake and deliberately waft it under the nose of someone who is one week in to a serious diet, whilst constantly purring about how delicious and moist it happens to be, possibly the best chocolate cake in the world and don't worry because there's plenty for everyone? And when that plan spectacularly failed, would anyone who wasn't competing with Hitler, Stalin and Bush on the evil-o-meter then bring out a foil wrapped roast dinner to microwave and waft the smells about some more?
This is a girl who, until now, has never brought anything more interesting in to lunch than a mouldy sandwich. Suddenly she's turned in to Bree from Desperate Housewives!
I just wonder how long it'll go on for. SURELY she'll get bored eventually, and I know that I can outlast her. In fact, she's doing me a favour really - she's pissed me off now, and I'm bloody stubborn when I'm pissed off. Not one teeny tiny morsel, other than what Howard's Way tell me to eat, will touch my lips until a) I have reached my target weight, and b) I am skinnier than her (not that hard).
I don't mean to go on about why girls are evil to other girls on diets, and to be fair, there are some people at work who have been really great about it, asking me about how it's going and telling me I'm looking good (sometimes over the phone, which is a little suspicious, but every girl likes a compliment!).
Anyway, home now and about to tuck in to my favourite of the foods (chocolate milkshake) which I've been looking forward to all afternoon. I got a cereal bar today too- pineapple flavoured and delish! Think my taste buds might explode if I ever got hold of some actual calories!
2 comments:
Hey Emma-
Congrats on your new top. I came over at your request. I appreciate your apology. I did take the opportunity to go back and read your thoughts on surgery. I was not ready for surgery at 24. I'll tell you why.
At 23, I went on Optifast. It was about 400-600 calories a day of shakes. I thought if I could just get the weight off then I would keep it off. I was wrong. Sucking down shakes does not teach new habits and it KILLED my metabolism. I went from 214 to 160 in 3 months. I put in all back on plus more within 2 years. By age 28, I was pushing over 250 easily.
Once you do a VLCD, you body resets your set point at which it hoards calories. Before surgery, I could diet and exercise at about 1200 calories a day and not lose weight.
Surgery got my body to act like a normal person. I can diet and exercise and lose weight. My metabolism is like a skinny person's now.
As for your statement that is quick and easy, you could not be further from that. The process alone is agonizing. My surgery was paid for by my insurance as medically necessary. I had to take a ton of uncomfortable tests. I had to see a psychologist to be "cleared." After surgery, I did not eat bread, sugar or have any alcohol for 8 months. Do you know what kind of sacrifice and will power that takes?
So, I applaud you on your diet. I encourage you to find out how to be the most successful at losing weight. Protein is an important part of weightloss. Do your best and stay away from your triggers because they will just make you want more.
Good Luck and keep on trying.
Hey,
I really appreciate you commenting and teaching me more of this new stuff. The more I read, the more I realise that surgery is certainly not the easy option that I thought it was! It involves pain and suffering like nothing I have ever been through.
Putting the weight back on is definitely something that I have concerns about, and other people have mentioned the same thing, so the whole reason I went with the company I'm with is because they spend time with you, teaching you about how to control cravings, avoid your triggers and eat healthy.
I'm so happy for you that surgery has given you the body you deserve. I wouldn't do any other VLCD for the reasons you describe (ie. putting the weight back on), but a friend of mine lost 3 stone about 3 years ago on this same diet, and she only put about half a stone back on since then.
I guess everybody has to find the method that suits them as an individual, you've found yours and I really think I may have found mine :)
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