CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited about Christmas I can hardly sit down!

I thought a while ago that I wouldn't be able to get excited with the prospect of sitting at the table, sucking on my milkshake, while everyone else stuffs themselves stupid with turkey and brussel sprouts before retiring to the sitting room to fill any remaining belly space with the nasty toffee Quality Streets that have been left.

It's going to be a weird Christmas anyway because it's the first year my big brother Aaron's not going to be there, so I'll miss him nearly as much as I'll miss the food. It's not even the food really, it's just the activity of the food and the togetherness it brings - I'll still do lots of cooking and decorating and stuff, but Christmas is about family and the dinner is one of the few times when everyone is together and there's no arguments or rushing off to talk on mobiles or anything. Everyone else'll be tucking in to something we all cooked while I'll be savouring my oh so nutritous milkshake and I wont feel like a part of the same event/family.

Still, I like to keep traditions going, so I've made the Christmas Log and the Christmas Cake and mince pies and everything. I've mastered my impulses to snack whilst cooking, which was starting to make me look like I had a twitch or a hand that obeyed some unseen shoulder devil. I've found that I quite like cooking just for the fun of it, and I don't particularly want to eat the food I'm handling - its just nice to see other people enjoying it.

God I've changed actually! I've just noticed it as I typed that, but a month ago watching other people enjoying food was like watching them urinating on my grave, and now I'm actually providing them with food! I wonder what brought that on! Guess it must be the fact I'm turning 25 next week!

(see how I got that in all subtley? God I'm cunning!)

I have been told I'll be allowed something a bit different on Christmas day. There's a list of things I'll be allowed and things I wont be, so hopefully it'll include a few tasty bits. I don't know if that's a good thing or not to be honest, I certainly don't want the cravings to come back again but then I want to feel like a part of my family at Christmas. I want to be normal!