Have been overtaken by an uncontrollable urge to dance today. All day long I've been pirouetting, moonwalking and making jazz hands at opportune moments and I have no idea why!
Normally this is the result of watching Dirty Dancing/High School Musical/Other classics of the genre, but today I have no idea- I'm just absurdly happy!
Spent the day at my Mums, which is always fun. She's thinking of doing this diet too, and I ALMOST found myself doing what other people have done to me; the old "oh you don't need to lose weight" because they're too uncomfortable around the subject to offer a real opinion. I stopped myself just in time, and told her all about it (technology and Mum don't go that well together, not sure she'd be ready for the idea of reading a website just yet).
So I spent the afternoon showing off my newly acquired knowledge about fatty acids and the difference between good carbohydrates and bad carbohydrates etc, feeling very superior. It was interesting for me, because if my Mum doesn't know this stuff, exactly where was I supposed to learn it from? I have no intention of turning in to some Jamie Oliver-esq hippie rushing around schools and pushing pamphlets about the power of wholegrain under people's noses, but I honestly didn't know this stuff! And if I didn't know it, no wonder I kept putting on pound after pound (although admittedly I did know that chocolate cake was bad and that didn't stop me much.)
Would I have become 6 stone overweight if I'd known all of the things I'm learning about now? Would I have paid attention if someone had tried to teach me before I had hit rock bottom? Who knows, and I'm not trying to pass the buck on to society/advertising/peer pressure or anything like that, but do you want to know what I learnt about in food technology at school?
We did one term making Christmas cakes, one term making soups, and one term making sandwiches. Seriously, I did a whole 12 weeks learning how to make sandwiches!! I honestly don't remember anyone mentioning that if I ate white bread instead of brown for the next 5 years I'd wind up on a Doctor's couch hearing the words "morbidly obese" followed by "severe coronary complications."
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Sunday, 16 November 2008
Friday, 14 November 2008
Pros and Cons
NEGATIVES:
- Feeling much colder than I normally would. I was told this might happen, something to do with less excess energy for heat and less body fat than I'm used to. Find this interesting, does it mean that skinny midget girls are constantly cold? And if so, how on earth do they walk around with bare midrifts all year round?
- Keep getting pins and needles randomly. Bit weird, apparently it's because I'm still not drinking enough. Because all food contains some water, so you don't really realise how much you're taking in, and blood needs water to get round the body. So must do better there.
- Still have a slightly dry mouth, but think this is to do with the water thing again. I'm supposed to drink 5l a day but that's a LOT!!!
- Fit in to my size 20 jeans today, which I brought a year ago and never wore
- Also fit in to favourite top which have never actually worn and thought it would spend it's days lying in my wardrobe looking pretty but unatainable
- Bowels nice and regular, think we've definitely clearer up that little fiasco
- Lots of nice compliments from various people
- Compared photos of myself now and 3 weeks ago and my goodness but you can notice it!
- Learnt lots more about foods - apparently brown rice, bread and possibly sugar is much better for me than white rice, bread and possibly sugar (may have made up the sugar thing, I'll look it up at some point)
- Evil girls in office appear to be giving up
- Feeling much more confident at work, better able to voice opinion without assuming that everyone else is thinking "well what does she know, she's fat!"
- AM 14stone, 3pounds and 9 ounces!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
Thursday, 13 November 2008
Temptation
14st 4lbs (v.g.), calories 450 (slightly repetitive there), Cravings denied 1,000 (v.g.), Cravings given into 0 (excellent!), Books read Moved on to Bridget Jones 2 now
Don't worry people, you can stop crying hysterically, I'm not dead! Nor have I fallen off the dieting bandwagon! I just went out and got me a life for a couple of days and I'm afraid to say blogging took a bit of a backseat for a while.
But don't worry, that madness has passed and I shall probably not do anything vaguely interesting for the next few weeks and will be able to write every day about the sheer mundaneness of life. Guess that's one of the problems with blogging - if I led a more interesting life worth talking about in great detail then I wouldn't have time to write about it. Bet Edmund Hillary doesn't keep a blog.
The last few days, I've had friends round, and I've been out with friends just like most crazy, 'mad fer it' 24 year olds. What struck me the most is how much of life revolves around food.
Most social activities include some sort of accompanying food. We went to see Bond (bloody awful) it was popcorn and ice cream. We went bowling, it was hotdogs. We went shopping, and 'popped in for a coffee and maybe just a little slice of cake.' We had a girls night in with a dvd, and of course, pizza was ordered. We played poker, and it was crisps and nibbles.
Now I wasn't hungry for most of this, and, like Howard's Way promised, by now I'm really not craving food in the same way as before. But it's very hard to break the habit of eating food that's in front of you - it's almost an unconscious thing.
These were great friends I was hanging out with, and not people who were deliberately putting temptation before me, but I couldn't help noticing just how much I must've eaten before!! When I used to 'record' the food I ate each day, I never would've thought to include the obscene amounts of 'nibbles' I ate, or little snacks used to 'keep me going' when shopping, or the bars of chocolate used to 'pick me up' when I was a bit down. Guess I'm finally learning what I actually need to survive, and what is excess!
These past few days would've been really hard for me, what with all the food under my nose the whole time. Of course my amazing friends offered to not get all of the junk food in, and of course I said that they should and it wouldn't be a problem, but it sure wasn't easy to keep having to stop myself as I leant forwards to grab some popcorn. Think I looked like I'd developed a twitch actually.
But I got through it, I live to diet another day! And at 14stone 4, I've seen enough results to keep me well and truly on the straight and narrow!
Don't worry people, you can stop crying hysterically, I'm not dead! Nor have I fallen off the dieting bandwagon! I just went out and got me a life for a couple of days and I'm afraid to say blogging took a bit of a backseat for a while.
But don't worry, that madness has passed and I shall probably not do anything vaguely interesting for the next few weeks and will be able to write every day about the sheer mundaneness of life. Guess that's one of the problems with blogging - if I led a more interesting life worth talking about in great detail then I wouldn't have time to write about it. Bet Edmund Hillary doesn't keep a blog.
The last few days, I've had friends round, and I've been out with friends just like most crazy, 'mad fer it' 24 year olds. What struck me the most is how much of life revolves around food.
Most social activities include some sort of accompanying food. We went to see Bond (bloody awful) it was popcorn and ice cream. We went bowling, it was hotdogs. We went shopping, and 'popped in for a coffee and maybe just a little slice of cake.' We had a girls night in with a dvd, and of course, pizza was ordered. We played poker, and it was crisps and nibbles.
Now I wasn't hungry for most of this, and, like Howard's Way promised, by now I'm really not craving food in the same way as before. But it's very hard to break the habit of eating food that's in front of you - it's almost an unconscious thing.
These were great friends I was hanging out with, and not people who were deliberately putting temptation before me, but I couldn't help noticing just how much I must've eaten before!! When I used to 'record' the food I ate each day, I never would've thought to include the obscene amounts of 'nibbles' I ate, or little snacks used to 'keep me going' when shopping, or the bars of chocolate used to 'pick me up' when I was a bit down. Guess I'm finally learning what I actually need to survive, and what is excess!
These past few days would've been really hard for me, what with all the food under my nose the whole time. Of course my amazing friends offered to not get all of the junk food in, and of course I said that they should and it wouldn't be a problem, but it sure wasn't easy to keep having to stop myself as I leant forwards to grab some popcorn. Think I looked like I'd developed a twitch actually.
But I got through it, I live to diet another day! And at 14stone 4, I've seen enough results to keep me well and truly on the straight and narrow!
Monday, 10 November 2008
Christmas is coming, and Emma's getting thin!
I just had such an awful evening and morning, I shall tell you about it because I think it would make you laugh. Hopefully this will be something that I can laugh about too in a couple of Millennia.
I went shopping in Canary Wharf, I got home and found I'd been locked out! There's a yale lock and a chubb lock on the door, I don't use the chubb lock because it's old and very stiff, I can sometimes open it from the inside, but not from the outside. Anyway, my mate (who is staying with me) had locked the bottom door and after 10 mins, I still couldn't get in. So, I went next door and they tried the lock, and they couldn't open it, so I climbed over the wall into my back garden and hoped the kitchen door would open. It didn't.
So I called the landlord (who was in London) and he said, just to break in. So I looked at the glass and it looked back, and ya know, I always think of glass as being fragile, ephemeral stuff. So I hit it with a gardening fork. It didn't break. So I shouted at it and hit it again, no joy. It's bloody hard to nerve yourself up to an actual act of vandalism and then find it doesn't work. By the way, it's pouring down with rain the whole time. So I went and found a pick axe, which worked very well. It took quite a while, but I got there, unlocked the door, tracked glass through the house and went to bed.
I woke up this morning to find the BASTARD mate had 'tidied' the bathroom by removing all of my stuff, so no shower for me. I then found I couldn't unlock the door from the inside. I called the landlord and read a book. About 9-30 there was a knock at the door, so I went downstairs. It wasn't the landlord, it was the builder, waiting for his money. He talked to me through the letterbox for half an hour culminating in him proposing marriage and many small children, and me getting out of it as nicely as I could. Fortunately the landlord turned up, let me out and I got to work for 11.45.
sigh, at least I can still make the people at work laugh, it'd just be nice if I could get them to laugh with me instead of at me!!!
I went shopping in Canary Wharf, I got home and found I'd been locked out! There's a yale lock and a chubb lock on the door, I don't use the chubb lock because it's old and very stiff, I can sometimes open it from the inside, but not from the outside. Anyway, my mate (who is staying with me) had locked the bottom door and after 10 mins, I still couldn't get in. So, I went next door and they tried the lock, and they couldn't open it, so I climbed over the wall into my back garden and hoped the kitchen door would open. It didn't.
So I called the landlord (who was in London) and he said, just to break in. So I looked at the glass and it looked back, and ya know, I always think of glass as being fragile, ephemeral stuff. So I hit it with a gardening fork. It didn't break. So I shouted at it and hit it again, no joy. It's bloody hard to nerve yourself up to an actual act of vandalism and then find it doesn't work. By the way, it's pouring down with rain the whole time. So I went and found a pick axe, which worked very well. It took quite a while, but I got there, unlocked the door, tracked glass through the house and went to bed.
I woke up this morning to find the BASTARD mate had 'tidied' the bathroom by removing all of my stuff, so no shower for me. I then found I couldn't unlock the door from the inside. I called the landlord and read a book. About 9-30 there was a knock at the door, so I went downstairs. It wasn't the landlord, it was the builder, waiting for his money. He talked to me through the letterbox for half an hour culminating in him proposing marriage and many small children, and me getting out of it as nicely as I could. Fortunately the landlord turned up, let me out and I got to work for 11.45.
sigh, at least I can still make the people at work laugh, it'd just be nice if I could get them to laugh with me instead of at me!!!
Sunday, 9 November 2008
Me and the mastiff
Read a great post today from another guy on a liquid diet. He'd just passed the 250lbs mark, and was feeling justifiably proud of himself, and he chose to put this photo on his blog:
Why? Because the average black bear weighs 250kg apparently! So it got me thinking that I could rate my weekly success by which animal I weighed the same as (to be honest, much as I'm LOVING doing my little Excel graph which documents my weightloss (this is of course slightly unreliable now after the 'wrongly callibrated scales' debacle, which has RUINED my beautiful downwards curve!), and I thought that a beautiful chart which had a photo of a different animal each week would be something else that I could waste time on. (I lie, beautifully colour coded graphs are never a waste of time, just so long as the line goes downwards!)
Anyway, turns out it's harder than I expected to find out the average weight of animals. I google-d it, I wikipedia-ed it, I even encycolpedia-ed it, and all I got was a bunch of nutters worried that their poodle might be pregnant. But during my highly unsuccessful attempt to visualise my journey from hippo to ...hamster (alliteration won out over making sense there I'm afraid) I did find out some fascinating facts to share with you.
Maybe people just suddenly woke up nicer! Guess we'll wait to see the girls at work on Monday to find out how long it lasts!!!
Anyway, turns out it's harder than I expected to find out the average weight of animals. I google-d it, I wikipedia-ed it, I even encycolpedia-ed it, and all I got was a bunch of nutters worried that their poodle might be pregnant. But during my highly unsuccessful attempt to visualise my journey from hippo to ...hamster (alliteration won out over making sense there I'm afraid) I did find out some fascinating facts to share with you.
- An average African elephant will eat AT LEAST my weight everyday in food, and drink
113litres of water (I'm struggling to get through my required 4!) - A mastiff (biiiiiig type of dog) averages 170-220 lbs. (That's the closest I could get to an animal that weighs the same as me.)
- Americans stop eating when they're full, whereas Europeans stop eating when they're no longer hungry. Big difference if you ask me, and it's the main thing I'm going to put in to practise when I'm back on regular food.
Maybe people just suddenly woke up nicer! Guess we'll wait to see the girls at work on Monday to find out how long it lasts!!!
Friday, 7 November 2008
yet another constipation based posting
Now I'm not normally the sort of person who rates their days based on the number of times they've managed to poo, but if I were, then today would have been a good day.
Three whole poos! I thought the constipation had gone a couple of days ago, but I was still having a few problems in that department, so my locum lady suggested a stronger laxative. And it worked wonders! Feeling more sprightly as a result - which is funny, because it wasn't like there was a lot there, but I feel much lighter now it's come out.
Bad news today. Turns out my scales are calibrated slightly wrongly, and have been giving me readings that were about 2lbs under what I actually am. I go to the gym or Tescos to get officially weighed once a week, so I've been thinking that on those days I just happen to be randomly putting on weight and the day after I'm doing well (yes, it did take me a whole 2 weeks to notice, please don't laugh!)
Anyway, I thought I was 14'8 when I woke up this morning, turns out I'm really 14'10. It's still good, it's still a stone lost, but there's still a long way to go before I'm going to be prancing around in a bikini.
Three whole poos! I thought the constipation had gone a couple of days ago, but I was still having a few problems in that department, so my locum lady suggested a stronger laxative. And it worked wonders! Feeling more sprightly as a result - which is funny, because it wasn't like there was a lot there, but I feel much lighter now it's come out.
Bad news today. Turns out my scales are calibrated slightly wrongly, and have been giving me readings that were about 2lbs under what I actually am. I go to the gym or Tescos to get officially weighed once a week, so I've been thinking that on those days I just happen to be randomly putting on weight and the day after I'm doing well (yes, it did take me a whole 2 weeks to notice, please don't laugh!)
Anyway, I thought I was 14'8 when I woke up this morning, turns out I'm really 14'10. It's still good, it's still a stone lost, but there's still a long way to go before I'm going to be prancing around in a bikini.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Sketch show humour
Weight: 14stone 10lbs, alcohol units: 0, calories: 450 (v good), encounters with mean girls: 450 (conservative estimate), styles of writing copied from Bridget Jones: 1
Funniest thing ever happened today. I almost had to look around me to make sure I wasn't in a sketch show because it was so damned ridiculous!
I was talking to some girls at work, and they're both maybe a tad overweight but nothing to write home about. One of them offered me tea, and it's always a bit embarassing turning down tea because no one understands why I'm not allowed things like that (technically I am allowed tea, but no milk in it - yuck!). So I reminded her about the diet, and she apologised and said she was being inconsiderate. Then the other one, straight off, said "I'm getting a McDonalds later, bet you wish you could have one!" At which they both chuckled hysterically.
So I (after counting slowly to 10) said "I know this diet may seem a little extreme to you, but it's really working for me and hopefully in a few months time I"ll be thin."
Then they (and this is the funny part) said "OH. SO YOU'RE SAYING WE'RE FAT ARE YOU!?"
Self absorbed much?
It was only afterwards when I thought how WITTY it would have been to say "oh shove it up your bottoms you big stinky piles of horse manure" or something of that tone, but alas, I was still spluttering away to myself when they linked arms and marched away, noses in the air.
Funniest thing ever happened today. I almost had to look around me to make sure I wasn't in a sketch show because it was so damned ridiculous!
I was talking to some girls at work, and they're both maybe a tad overweight but nothing to write home about. One of them offered me tea, and it's always a bit embarassing turning down tea because no one understands why I'm not allowed things like that (technically I am allowed tea, but no milk in it - yuck!). So I reminded her about the diet, and she apologised and said she was being inconsiderate. Then the other one, straight off, said "I'm getting a McDonalds later, bet you wish you could have one!" At which they both chuckled hysterically.
So I (after counting slowly to 10) said "I know this diet may seem a little extreme to you, but it's really working for me and hopefully in a few months time I"ll be thin."
Then they (and this is the funny part) said "OH. SO YOU'RE SAYING WE'RE FAT ARE YOU!?"
Self absorbed much?
It was only afterwards when I thought how WITTY it would have been to say "oh shove it up your bottoms you big stinky piles of horse manure" or something of that tone, but alas, I was still spluttering away to myself when they linked arms and marched away, noses in the air.
Putting it back on
Since well before I started this diet, I've known that losing the weight is the easy part. The hard part is keeping it off for the rest of your life.
The way I feel at the moment, it's almost impossible to imagine that after 12 weeks of this diet, I'll EVER put myself in a position where I'm overweight, even less dangerously obese, again.
I'm feeling so strong right now, like nothing can stop me achieving this. And I know I've only been on the diet for a 10 days or so, and I know that it's easy in the beginning because the weight comes off so fast, but having been obese for so long, and feeling so wonderful now, I feel like every time I look at that second slice of chocolate cake in the future I'll remember and I'll have that incentive to stop myself.
Because it's all about incentive. I got fat when I was depressed, and I didn't think anyone cared about how I looked. Then, once I was fat, I had no incentive to stop eating, because what did it matter - I was already fat. And that's how I became obese.
I nowhere near where I want to be yet in terms of size or appearance, but the difference in how I feel when I walk in a room now, compared with just a fortnight ago is just breathtaking, and if that carries on, then nothing is ever going to bring me down again.
...except possibly the weather. That's a bit shite.
The way I feel at the moment, it's almost impossible to imagine that after 12 weeks of this diet, I'll EVER put myself in a position where I'm overweight, even less dangerously obese, again.
I'm feeling so strong right now, like nothing can stop me achieving this. And I know I've only been on the diet for a 10 days or so, and I know that it's easy in the beginning because the weight comes off so fast, but having been obese for so long, and feeling so wonderful now, I feel like every time I look at that second slice of chocolate cake in the future I'll remember and I'll have that incentive to stop myself.
Because it's all about incentive. I got fat when I was depressed, and I didn't think anyone cared about how I looked. Then, once I was fat, I had no incentive to stop eating, because what did it matter - I was already fat. And that's how I became obese.
I nowhere near where I want to be yet in terms of size or appearance, but the difference in how I feel when I walk in a room now, compared with just a fortnight ago is just breathtaking, and if that carries on, then nothing is ever going to bring me down again.
...except possibly the weather. That's a bit shite.
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
I put my new top on, and suddenly everything is fine :)
For those of you on tenterhooks, I did get in to that top that had been staring accusingly at me, and yes, I did to a little victory dance. Dance like no one is watching right! (unfortunately of course, someone was watching, and they may never let me forget it.)
Today was shit. And it should've been so good. I'm down to 14'9, which means that I've lost a stone already. I fit in to that top I've not worn since I brought it two years ago. My jeans need a belt. My boss said how good I was looking. For the first time since I honestly can't remember when, I looked in the mirror and didn't hate what I saw - do you have any idea what that can do for your self confidence!?!?
So I was practically soaring on my way to work this morning, my feet barely touched the ground, and I was singing my little heart out on the bus (note to self: other people can still hear you when you're wearing headphones!)
So, I hear you cry, what dampened this perfect mood? What cloud could possibly have blackened my mood on today of all days, when my arse is looking so excitingly like an arse rather than a marshmellow.
Can't you guess?
It was girls. Bloody shitty crappy snotty bitchy girls.
And I love them, hell, some of my best friends are girls. But god damn it, we can be bitchy when we want to!
Would any nice, normal, vaguely humane person, bring in a homemade chocolate cake and deliberately waft it under the nose of someone who is one week in to a serious diet, whilst constantly purring about how delicious and moist it happens to be, possibly the best chocolate cake in the world and don't worry because there's plenty for everyone? And when that plan spectacularly failed, would anyone who wasn't competing with Hitler, Stalin and Bush on the evil-o-meter then bring out a foil wrapped roast dinner to microwave and waft the smells about some more?
This is a girl who, until now, has never brought anything more interesting in to lunch than a mouldy sandwich. Suddenly she's turned in to Bree from Desperate Housewives!
I just wonder how long it'll go on for. SURELY she'll get bored eventually, and I know that I can outlast her. In fact, she's doing me a favour really - she's pissed me off now, and I'm bloody stubborn when I'm pissed off. Not one teeny tiny morsel, other than what Howard's Way tell me to eat, will touch my lips until a) I have reached my target weight, and b) I am skinnier than her (not that hard).
I don't mean to go on about why girls are evil to other girls on diets, and to be fair, there are some people at work who have been really great about it, asking me about how it's going and telling me I'm looking good (sometimes over the phone, which is a little suspicious, but every girl likes a compliment!).
Anyway, home now and about to tuck in to my favourite of the foods (chocolate milkshake) which I've been looking forward to all afternoon. I got a cereal bar today too- pineapple flavoured and delish! Think my taste buds might explode if I ever got hold of some actual calories!
Today was shit. And it should've been so good. I'm down to 14'9, which means that I've lost a stone already. I fit in to that top I've not worn since I brought it two years ago. My jeans need a belt. My boss said how good I was looking. For the first time since I honestly can't remember when, I looked in the mirror and didn't hate what I saw - do you have any idea what that can do for your self confidence!?!?
So I was practically soaring on my way to work this morning, my feet barely touched the ground, and I was singing my little heart out on the bus (note to self: other people can still hear you when you're wearing headphones!)
So, I hear you cry, what dampened this perfect mood? What cloud could possibly have blackened my mood on today of all days, when my arse is looking so excitingly like an arse rather than a marshmellow.
Can't you guess?
It was girls. Bloody shitty crappy snotty bitchy girls.
And I love them, hell, some of my best friends are girls. But god damn it, we can be bitchy when we want to!
Would any nice, normal, vaguely humane person, bring in a homemade chocolate cake and deliberately waft it under the nose of someone who is one week in to a serious diet, whilst constantly purring about how delicious and moist it happens to be, possibly the best chocolate cake in the world and don't worry because there's plenty for everyone? And when that plan spectacularly failed, would anyone who wasn't competing with Hitler, Stalin and Bush on the evil-o-meter then bring out a foil wrapped roast dinner to microwave and waft the smells about some more?
This is a girl who, until now, has never brought anything more interesting in to lunch than a mouldy sandwich. Suddenly she's turned in to Bree from Desperate Housewives!
I just wonder how long it'll go on for. SURELY she'll get bored eventually, and I know that I can outlast her. In fact, she's doing me a favour really - she's pissed me off now, and I'm bloody stubborn when I'm pissed off. Not one teeny tiny morsel, other than what Howard's Way tell me to eat, will touch my lips until a) I have reached my target weight, and b) I am skinnier than her (not that hard).
I don't mean to go on about why girls are evil to other girls on diets, and to be fair, there are some people at work who have been really great about it, asking me about how it's going and telling me I'm looking good (sometimes over the phone, which is a little suspicious, but every girl likes a compliment!).
Anyway, home now and about to tuck in to my favourite of the foods (chocolate milkshake) which I've been looking forward to all afternoon. I got a cereal bar today too- pineapple flavoured and delish! Think my taste buds might explode if I ever got hold of some actual calories!
Blogs
Also, I spent a lot of time today looking at blogs (in my spare time of course, I would certainly never consider wasting time while I'm at work looking at blogs on the computer when I could be doing so many more productive things like....)
It was really nice to be able to comment on some of the people's blogs that I've been reading for ages, when I was trying to get up the courage to start this diet and this blog. I think people on the internet can be a real inspiration to other people, even if they're a million miles away, because it's always nice to know that whatever you're going through, someone else has been there are felt that.
So thank you to everyone who inspired this diet, because I really feel that it's given me a massive boost already. I'm a stone lighter than I was a week ago and if I'd known it was this easy, I'd have done it years ago!
It was really nice to be able to comment on some of the people's blogs that I've been reading for ages, when I was trying to get up the courage to start this diet and this blog. I think people on the internet can be a real inspiration to other people, even if they're a million miles away, because it's always nice to know that whatever you're going through, someone else has been there are felt that.
So thank you to everyone who inspired this diet, because I really feel that it's given me a massive boost already. I'm a stone lighter than I was a week ago and if I'd known it was this easy, I'd have done it years ago!
Monday, 3 November 2008
Opinions on surgery.
Read a great post today from "Tales of the morbidly obese". It's an old post, but will always be relevant I think.
It makes me really regret my previous post about people who get surgery to 'release themselves from the prison of morbid obesity.' At the time (and this was only a week ago), it seemed like surgery was a cheat. That somehow, by paying rather than working for the weight loss, you somehow don't deserve it. It's taken me a week of drinking nothing but milkshakes to realise that being morbidly obese is payment in itself, and anything that you do to relieve yourself from that prison is a positive step, and one that everyone should respect.
Surgery is not for me, it's not something that I ever considered, but I would like to apologise to everyone who has 'gone under the knife,' because I realise that I've been trying to disassociate myself from you. In my arrogance, I've passed judgement on other people who have been through the social ostracism, taunts, and feelings of self disgust that have plagued me for most of my life, and I have labelled them cheats because they found a way out of it.
Do other people consider me a cheat because I've chosen the relatively easy weight loss plan of a Very Low Calorie Diet instead of stomach crunches every morning? Probably. This diet is the easiest thing I've ever done - I don't have to even think about cooking or washing up, and the weight is just falling off me. It's probably considerably easier than surgery, and involves considerably less risk, money and pain.
I watched Louis Theroux last night, doing a documentary on plastic surgery in which he actually wound up getting liposuction. It was amazing to see the confidence people gained from their surgery, and the happier they were in their lives afterwards. I'm still no fan of it, but who am I to deny other fat people their chance at a happy life where people don't stare at them as they walk down the street. From now, anything that makes someone happy is just fine by me.
"Sometimes I wonder about the people who stumble upon this blog from comments on other blogs or just from searches. Are they just disgusted like people are in the real world by morbidly obese people? Am I somehow even less since I used surgery to escape the prison of morbid obesity?
Just I am just starting to learn what it is like to travel in a regular size body. No one can know the cumulative effects of morbid obesity without having lived it. Every day is one indignity after another. While you are suffering through those, people expect a constantly sunny disposition. You feel beholden to give them the funny, smiling fatty persona they expect.
What about you? The ones who have stumbled on this blog. Look at my before pictures and tell what you would have thought of me seeing me on the street. How does your impression change by seeing recent pictures of me? Or does it? Is the fat lot cast?"
It makes me really regret my previous post about people who get surgery to 'release themselves from the prison of morbid obesity.' At the time (and this was only a week ago), it seemed like surgery was a cheat. That somehow, by paying rather than working for the weight loss, you somehow don't deserve it. It's taken me a week of drinking nothing but milkshakes to realise that being morbidly obese is payment in itself, and anything that you do to relieve yourself from that prison is a positive step, and one that everyone should respect.
Surgery is not for me, it's not something that I ever considered, but I would like to apologise to everyone who has 'gone under the knife,' because I realise that I've been trying to disassociate myself from you. In my arrogance, I've passed judgement on other people who have been through the social ostracism, taunts, and feelings of self disgust that have plagued me for most of my life, and I have labelled them cheats because they found a way out of it.
Do other people consider me a cheat because I've chosen the relatively easy weight loss plan of a Very Low Calorie Diet instead of stomach crunches every morning? Probably. This diet is the easiest thing I've ever done - I don't have to even think about cooking or washing up, and the weight is just falling off me. It's probably considerably easier than surgery, and involves considerably less risk, money and pain.
I watched Louis Theroux last night, doing a documentary on plastic surgery in which he actually wound up getting liposuction. It was amazing to see the confidence people gained from their surgery, and the happier they were in their lives afterwards. I'm still no fan of it, but who am I to deny other fat people their chance at a happy life where people don't stare at them as they walk down the street. From now, anything that makes someone happy is just fine by me.
Sunday, 2 November 2008
Slightly bizarre side effects
Interesting side effect; my mouth is dry. Dunno why, as I'm drinking about 4litres of water a day. Anyone know why?
I could ask my locum lady, but don't want to bother her on a Sunday. They say they don't mind, but who wants to work on a Sunday! Frankly I'd rather not work any day!
I could ask my locum lady, but don't want to bother her on a Sunday. They say they don't mind, but who wants to work on a Sunday! Frankly I'd rather not work any day!
Saturday, 1 November 2008
Constipation update
I know that everyone is just dying to know the updated state of my bowels after Thursday's riveting post on the subject. How could I be so callous as to do a whole post without mentioning it!?!
Well, you'll be pleased to hear that I am no longer getting the tummy pains or making the embarrassing gurgling noises. I took a slightly stronger laxative that my locum recommended and believe that there is now officially nothing left to come out.
Let me hear you say wooooop!!!
I'm so happy today. I went to the gym and did a good workout, I am over the constipation debacle, I passed the test so I know everything there is to know about what's going on in my body, and I got through a shopping trip to Tescos without really desiring anything. Also, my pyjama bottoms fell off when I stood up this morning!!!
I brought a top ages ago that I really liked and then promptly put on about half a stone before I had the opportunity to wear it. It's been sitting in my wardrobe for months, staring at me accusingly every time I chose my trackybums. It even still has the price tag on it, but I couldn't stand to take it back and hear the shop assistant thinking "bit optimistic were we fatty?"
I shall try it on tomorrow, and if it fits I shall go and find that hypothetical shop assistant and I shall do a little dance infront of her, and then she'll be sorry! Then they'll all be sorry!!!
Well, you'll be pleased to hear that I am no longer getting the tummy pains or making the embarrassing gurgling noises. I took a slightly stronger laxative that my locum recommended and believe that there is now officially nothing left to come out.
Let me hear you say wooooop!!!
I'm so happy today. I went to the gym and did a good workout, I am over the constipation debacle, I passed the test so I know everything there is to know about what's going on in my body, and I got through a shopping trip to Tescos without really desiring anything. Also, my pyjama bottoms fell off when I stood up this morning!!!
I brought a top ages ago that I really liked and then promptly put on about half a stone before I had the opportunity to wear it. It's been sitting in my wardrobe for months, staring at me accusingly every time I chose my trackybums. It even still has the price tag on it, but I couldn't stand to take it back and hear the shop assistant thinking "bit optimistic were we fatty?"
I shall try it on tomorrow, and if it fits I shall go and find that hypothetical shop assistant and I shall do a little dance infront of her, and then she'll be sorry! Then they'll all be sorry!!!
Friday, 31 October 2008
Constipation.
Constipation is not a funny thing. It may sound funny, but it is quite definitely not.
Was feeling so good today. Although it was Halloween and I'm surrounded by sweeties (I'm sure that England has become more Americanized in it's celebrations of Halloween - there's costumes and special sweetie jars and pumpkin carving kits and, is it just me, or have all the supermarkets done massive discounts on all things sweetie? Back in the day it was a hollowed out pumpkin and possibly a witches hat made out of paper you coloured in yourself the year before.)
Apologies for the brain splurge there. Stay with me.
Back on to the poo thing... I've been having a few laxatives, which have been helping, but I keep hearing these loud and slightly embarassing gurgling noises from my belly which my locum lady has suggested might be a sign that there is more to come out.
So what do you do? Do you force it out, do you wait until it comes out naturally, or do you dose yourself up with laxative? I lost 2lbs today, which is so amazing, but I can't help feeling that if I could just get rid of whatever is left in my belly, I'd lose it even faster.
So that's today's little anecdote, many apologies if I grossed you out with my bowel movements (or lack thereof)! I'm really chuffed today because I've had loads of energy all day, haven't been hungry at all, and I mixed my foods properly at last and have decided that the tomato soup one is actually really quite delicious. Possibly this is just the lack of anything to compare it with, but I'm finding myself looking forward to it like I normally would a bag of chips. Still not big on vegetables of course, but it would take the disintegration of every other food source on the planet before I happily ate most vegetables.
Also today I had my one week check up at Howard's Way. They took pictures (you can already see a big difference to the ones they took a week ago), and took me through all the stuff I've been learning about what's going on in my body (which I shall explain in the next blog).
So, drum roll please.... it's one week in, and my official weight is.....
It's been sooo long since there's been a 14 at the start of my weight!!! And tomorrow I'm allowed to start on the Howard's Way 'bars' which are part of the food I'm allowed from now on and I'm really looking forward to something a wee bit solid (unless I have to shit it all out again of course!!!)
Was feeling so good today. Although it was Halloween and I'm surrounded by sweeties (I'm sure that England has become more Americanized in it's celebrations of Halloween - there's costumes and special sweetie jars and pumpkin carving kits and, is it just me, or have all the supermarkets done massive discounts on all things sweetie? Back in the day it was a hollowed out pumpkin and possibly a witches hat made out of paper you coloured in yourself the year before.)
Apologies for the brain splurge there. Stay with me.
Back on to the poo thing... I've been having a few laxatives, which have been helping, but I keep hearing these loud and slightly embarassing gurgling noises from my belly which my locum lady has suggested might be a sign that there is more to come out.
So what do you do? Do you force it out, do you wait until it comes out naturally, or do you dose yourself up with laxative? I lost 2lbs today, which is so amazing, but I can't help feeling that if I could just get rid of whatever is left in my belly, I'd lose it even faster.
So that's today's little anecdote, many apologies if I grossed you out with my bowel movements (or lack thereof)! I'm really chuffed today because I've had loads of energy all day, haven't been hungry at all, and I mixed my foods properly at last and have decided that the tomato soup one is actually really quite delicious. Possibly this is just the lack of anything to compare it with, but I'm finding myself looking forward to it like I normally would a bag of chips. Still not big on vegetables of course, but it would take the disintegration of every other food source on the planet before I happily ate most vegetables.
Also today I had my one week check up at Howard's Way. They took pictures (you can already see a big difference to the ones they took a week ago), and took me through all the stuff I've been learning about what's going on in my body (which I shall explain in the next blog).
So, drum roll please.... it's one week in, and my official weight is.....
14stone 12pounds!!!
It's been sooo long since there's been a 14 at the start of my weight!!! And tomorrow I'm allowed to start on the Howard's Way 'bars' which are part of the food I'm allowed from now on and I'm really looking forward to something a wee bit solid (unless I have to shit it all out again of course!!!)
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
why girls are bitches to other girls on diets
Why are girls such bitches? I'm sorry, and I don't mean to be unfair on any of my sex, but mention that you're on a diet to another girl and suddenly the talons come out and she will stop at literally nothing to put you off it.
I was feeling pretty vulnerable today. Although I wasn't expecting the 4lbs a day thing to last, I was pretty gutted when I'd actually put on weight yesterday, so I didn't have my defensive cloak of self belief that had helped me through work yesterday. I was not emotionally prepared to deal with the people sitting next to me and staging long discussions about which foods they were craving and what they were looking forward to for lunch.
Since I decided to go on this diet, I've met with some pretty mixed reactions from the people I've told. I know that Very Low Calorie Diets like this have had some pretty bad press in the past, but if one more person tells me that all my hair will fall out and that I'll be fainting every five minutes, or be left infertile, or probably be dead within a week, I shall think of some very scathing retort and say it to them with one eyebrow raised. And that will show them.
Do people not think that I've researched this? That I didn't spend weeks and weeks on the internet, reading what other people had been through and listening to medical advice before choosing this diet? I've put it down to a few reasons, which I shall now expand upon in my little list that I shall call "why girls are bitches to other girls on diets."
WHY GIRLS ARE BITCHES TO OTHER GIRLS ON DIETS:
- Every girl likes to have a fat best friend to go shopping with/ the beach with/ have as a bridesmaid to make themselves feel better
- Every girl has tried to diet and failed, and the possibility that you might succeed is too much to bear
- Girls figure that the fatter the rest of the world is, the thinner they will look by comparison
- Girls are naturally bitchy, and this is simply an opportunity to show it.
I will undoubtedly think of more and add them to the list in the coming weeks.
Anyway, on the (vaguely) plus side, I lost 3lbs today, which makes up slightly for yesterdays little debacle, and I'm back on track. Sorry for the rant.
I was feeling pretty vulnerable today. Although I wasn't expecting the 4lbs a day thing to last, I was pretty gutted when I'd actually put on weight yesterday, so I didn't have my defensive cloak of self belief that had helped me through work yesterday. I was not emotionally prepared to deal with the people sitting next to me and staging long discussions about which foods they were craving and what they were looking forward to for lunch.
Since I decided to go on this diet, I've met with some pretty mixed reactions from the people I've told. I know that Very Low Calorie Diets like this have had some pretty bad press in the past, but if one more person tells me that all my hair will fall out and that I'll be fainting every five minutes, or be left infertile, or probably be dead within a week, I shall think of some very scathing retort and say it to them with one eyebrow raised. And that will show them.
Do people not think that I've researched this? That I didn't spend weeks and weeks on the internet, reading what other people had been through and listening to medical advice before choosing this diet? I've put it down to a few reasons, which I shall now expand upon in my little list that I shall call "why girls are bitches to other girls on diets."
WHY GIRLS ARE BITCHES TO OTHER GIRLS ON DIETS:
- Every girl likes to have a fat best friend to go shopping with/ the beach with/ have as a bridesmaid to make themselves feel better
- Every girl has tried to diet and failed, and the possibility that you might succeed is too much to bear
- Girls figure that the fatter the rest of the world is, the thinner they will look by comparison
- Girls are naturally bitchy, and this is simply an opportunity to show it.
I will undoubtedly think of more and add them to the list in the coming weeks.
Anyway, on the (vaguely) plus side, I lost 3lbs today, which makes up slightly for yesterdays little debacle, and I'm back on track. Sorry for the rant.
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
TFR Total Food Replacement
Oooh, forgot to say- my food came today!
The Very Low Calorie Diet that I'm on is a TFR, or Total Food Replacement. That means I'm not allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING except what they give me (and water). I knew that bit already, but didn't realise how strict it was!
I'm not allowed to
- chew gum
- have headache tablets with sugar on (!)
- have milk or sugar in my coffee!
Apparently in a few days after I start (can't start til I've done a few more checks, which is good because there's so much information in the pack I got this morning that I don't even know where to begin!) I go in to 'Ketosis' which means "state in metabolism occurring when the liver excessively converts fat into fatty acids and ketone bodies which can be used by the body for energy" (gotta love Wiki!). This is apparently a good thing, because when it happens I don't crave food any more and my body uses is better able to use my stored glucose to run my body.
I hope I sounded like I knew what I was talking about there, I've been reading for hours and I'm still a bit confused. Guess that's why I go to Howard's Way for classes and support once a week!
The Very Low Calorie Diet that I'm on is a TFR, or Total Food Replacement. That means I'm not allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING except what they give me (and water). I knew that bit already, but didn't realise how strict it was!
I'm not allowed to
- chew gum
- have headache tablets with sugar on (!)
- have milk or sugar in my coffee!
Apparently in a few days after I start (can't start til I've done a few more checks, which is good because there's so much information in the pack I got this morning that I don't even know where to begin!) I go in to 'Ketosis' which means "state in metabolism occurring when the liver excessively converts fat into fatty acids and ketone bodies which can be used by the body for energy" (gotta love Wiki!). This is apparently a good thing, because when it happens I don't crave food any more and my body uses is better able to use my stored glucose to run my body.
I hope I sounded like I knew what I was talking about there, I've been reading for hours and I'm still a bit confused. Guess that's why I go to Howard's Way for classes and support once a week!
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Obesity Challenge
I figured if anyone is going to read the story of my extreme diet, they should probably know a thing or two about me. I spent ages trying to type out a few paragraphs that explained who I am, how I got the way I am, and how I feel about it all, but nothing really came out (then I got upset and went to the kitchen and we all know that is a BAD IDEA. Took a whole lotta will power to walk away from the squidgey chocolate gooey cake that some bugger put there to tempt me).
Anyway, to cut a long a slightly meandering story short, I got a friend to ask me some questions and I've answered them as honestly as I can.
MEASUREMENTS:
weight: 15stone 7pounds (98.5kg)
height: 5ft 2inches (158cm) -yes I know I'm small!
BMI: 40
bust: 127cm
waist: 115cm
hips: 123cm
1. How long have you been overweight?
Although I've probably always been a little on the chubby side, it was in sixth form (when I was about 17) that I started putting on the serious weight. I'm 24 now, and although I've gone up and down a few times, it's been at least 7 years since I was a vaguely healthy weight.
2. Do you think there's a reason you started putting on the weight in the first place?
As with every obese person, I'm sure there's a whole bunch of reasons. My parent's divorced when I was young, and although I don't want to put all the blame on that, it did shake my confidence a lot and probably led me to comfort eating.
Also, my Dad is a chef, and brings home pastries and cakes practically every night so there's always been temptation in my way. I think one of the main things I'll have to overcome if I'm to lose this weight is to resist the temptation of eating what's in the cupboards at home!
Everyone talks about the "vicious cycle" of comfort eating, and it's so true. I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I get bullied, and I get bullied because I eat. I'm not doing this diet for the bullies, I'm doing it for me, but a large part of it is regaining the self-esteem that I've lost through being bullied most of my life.
3. How does being overweight make you feel?
I think the predominant feeling is one of being different; of not fitting in. In the school yard and even in the work place, the crime of "not fitting in" is punishable by verbal torment and social ostracism (which was REALLY helpful to my already fairly fragile ego of course). I feel ugly, lazy and tired most of the time.
4. What do you eat on an average day?
hmmm... Lots.
Basically I have my three meals a day and then punctuate it with snacks and pastries and chocolate and all sorts of yummy things that serve no other purpose than making me feel better and adding another pound or two to my already volumptuous arse.
5. Do people comment on your weight?
Not much to my face, I think people are kinda used to it now. When I lost some weight on WeightWatchers last year I really enjoyed getting the compliments that came with it, but of course, that weight all went back on pretty darned fast. That's why I've taken care to pick a diet program this time that provides more after care and support.
6. How does it affect your everyday life?
Mostly in tiredness. I can't keep up with other people that well, and that makes me feel like a burden which (guess what) has me reaching for the chocolatey goodness.
7. What made you decide to start this diet?
Because I'm ready to change my life.
8. Has your weight caused any health problems?
I went to the doctors recently, who gave me a pretty stern talking to about the pressure that I was putting on my heart, as well as my high blood pressure and chances of developing diabetes. He scared the living daylights out of me to be honest, and for that, I thank him because it was the kick up the backside that jump-started this whole thing.
9. What is your ultimate aim?
- To lose 3 stone.
- To lose my double chin
- To touch my toes
- To be healthier, happier and more confident in myself.
10. What are your main doubts and worries?
As a compulsive comfort eater, I worry that my cravings will be stronger than my resolve. It will take me 12 weeks to lose 3 stone, and that's a long time to be strong.
Anyway, to cut a long a slightly meandering story short, I got a friend to ask me some questions and I've answered them as honestly as I can.
MEASUREMENTS:
weight: 15stone 7pounds (98.5kg)
height: 5ft 2inches (158cm) -yes I know I'm small!
BMI: 40
bust: 127cm
waist: 115cm
hips: 123cm
1. How long have you been overweight?
Although I've probably always been a little on the chubby side, it was in sixth form (when I was about 17) that I started putting on the serious weight. I'm 24 now, and although I've gone up and down a few times, it's been at least 7 years since I was a vaguely healthy weight.
2. Do you think there's a reason you started putting on the weight in the first place?
As with every obese person, I'm sure there's a whole bunch of reasons. My parent's divorced when I was young, and although I don't want to put all the blame on that, it did shake my confidence a lot and probably led me to comfort eating.
Also, my Dad is a chef, and brings home pastries and cakes practically every night so there's always been temptation in my way. I think one of the main things I'll have to overcome if I'm to lose this weight is to resist the temptation of eating what's in the cupboards at home!
Everyone talks about the "vicious cycle" of comfort eating, and it's so true. I eat because I'm unhappy, I'm unhappy because I get bullied, and I get bullied because I eat. I'm not doing this diet for the bullies, I'm doing it for me, but a large part of it is regaining the self-esteem that I've lost through being bullied most of my life.
3. How does being overweight make you feel?
I think the predominant feeling is one of being different; of not fitting in. In the school yard and even in the work place, the crime of "not fitting in" is punishable by verbal torment and social ostracism (which was REALLY helpful to my already fairly fragile ego of course). I feel ugly, lazy and tired most of the time.
4. What do you eat on an average day?
hmmm... Lots.
Basically I have my three meals a day and then punctuate it with snacks and pastries and chocolate and all sorts of yummy things that serve no other purpose than making me feel better and adding another pound or two to my already volumptuous arse.
5. Do people comment on your weight?
Not much to my face, I think people are kinda used to it now. When I lost some weight on WeightWatchers last year I really enjoyed getting the compliments that came with it, but of course, that weight all went back on pretty darned fast. That's why I've taken care to pick a diet program this time that provides more after care and support.
6. How does it affect your everyday life?
Mostly in tiredness. I can't keep up with other people that well, and that makes me feel like a burden which (guess what) has me reaching for the chocolatey goodness.
7. What made you decide to start this diet?
Because I'm ready to change my life.
8. Has your weight caused any health problems?
I went to the doctors recently, who gave me a pretty stern talking to about the pressure that I was putting on my heart, as well as my high blood pressure and chances of developing diabetes. He scared the living daylights out of me to be honest, and for that, I thank him because it was the kick up the backside that jump-started this whole thing.
9. What is your ultimate aim?
- To lose 3 stone.
- To lose my double chin
- To touch my toes
- To be healthier, happier and more confident in myself.
10. What are your main doubts and worries?
As a compulsive comfort eater, I worry that my cravings will be stronger than my resolve. It will take me 12 weeks to lose 3 stone, and that's a long time to be strong.
Monday, 13 October 2008
It has to start somewhere
Hi, my name is Emma Wood, and I am obese. Very.
I've known it for a while, but I guess I never really admitted it to myself. You read all the time about how Britain is growing fatter, and how obesity is one of the largest causes of premature death after AIDS and cancer, but it never really occurs to you how much it affects you. You roll your eyes at the statistics, and you gasp in horror when seeing people who can no longer leave their beds. Then you look down and try to remember when the last time that you saw your own feet was.
I don't want to be a statistic. I've finally accepted that I have a problem, and I am determined to do something about it. I have over 3 stone to lose just to go back to being overweight, but I can't do it alone. That's why I started this blog; I've read other blogs of people who have lost lots of weight, and they did it through the help and support of the online community. There are hundreds of other people out there in a similar situation to me, and I need to draw strength from them and, hopefully, provide inspiration in my turn.
Please help me in this.
Thank you, and I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Please feel free to comment or to message me about anything you want.
Emma
Traditional "BEFORE" shots:
I've known it for a while, but I guess I never really admitted it to myself. You read all the time about how Britain is growing fatter, and how obesity is one of the largest causes of premature death after AIDS and cancer, but it never really occurs to you how much it affects you. You roll your eyes at the statistics, and you gasp in horror when seeing people who can no longer leave their beds. Then you look down and try to remember when the last time that you saw your own feet was.
I don't want to be a statistic. I've finally accepted that I have a problem, and I am determined to do something about it. I have over 3 stone to lose just to go back to being overweight, but I can't do it alone. That's why I started this blog; I've read other blogs of people who have lost lots of weight, and they did it through the help and support of the online community. There are hundreds of other people out there in a similar situation to me, and I need to draw strength from them and, hopefully, provide inspiration in my turn.
Please help me in this.
Thank you, and I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Please feel free to comment or to message me about anything you want.
Emma
Traditional "BEFORE" shots:
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