3 stone in 10 seconds

It's finally time to tell you all about something that I've been doing throughout this diet that I've been really excited about, but that I've not mentioned because I didn't know how well it'd work. My big brother Aaron is an animator, and he got me to take a photograph of myself every day in the same position and in the same outfit (my swimming costume). Then he put them all together in a little film so that you can see me losing the weight!

I think it's seriously awesome! I honestly never thought there was so much of a difference in the before and after shots, but I look like a completely different person and I know which one I prefer! Anyway, check it out!

Amazing right! I just keep watching it and scrolling back and forwards and watching all that weight falling off! But it got me wondering; where exactly does all that weight go? I mean, I know I 'burned it off' by only eating the amount of calories I was actually using and all of that, but what happens when it's burnt? Does it just evaporate, does it ooze out of my body in my sleep, do I (excuse the crassness) poo it all out??? I thought I understood all of this stuff, but look at that video, that's about half of my body weight that's disappeared there! Does that make me less of a person? Are there bits of flab floating around that were once attached to my butt?

I understand liposuction, because you can physically see the stuff that's coming out, but where exactly has my flab gone!?! Not that I want to sent it a postcard or anything, it's just that I was rather attached to it for a long time and I find it bizarre that I can have lost so much of myself and have no idea where it's gone!

Hope you enjoy the video :) It's not all over from me, I still have 4 weeks of 'refeeding' to ween me slowly back on to normal food, and I still have loads to learn about what to avoid and how strong I am around various 'trigger' foods, but this is the end of phase one. And from the video, I'm going to go right out there and call it an unparalleled success.

Boys and Girls

Weight: 13.7 - 13.9 (remind me to only use my own scales from now on. The official ones at Tescos clearly hate me)

Had the best weekend ever. After all of the excitement on Thursday I was literally walking on clouds for at least 3 days. Got half way to work on Friday before I noticed I was strutting! (New development by the way, I always took the bus before but I'm finding that I have the energy to walk now, which has helped speed the weight loss up again)

Friday was spent surreptitiously staring at the door in case he came in, whilst breathing in and out as slowly as possible and doing bugger all work. I have no idea how the pretty people ever get any work done at all!

Anyway, he never came in so I've probably blown it completely by my staggering lack of cool and togetherness, but I still spent the entire weekend discussing it in minute detail with my friends. Every look, every gesture, every word of the 5 minute conversation we had was analysed in depth, along with everything I know or have ever suspected about him. Then there was the obligatory trip to the gym, nail painting session, face masks and hair cut. I feel like a new woman! And the weight is falling off too! All this stress is clearly working for me!

Then on Monday, disaster struck. I had a feeling it might happen on Sunday night, a growing dread gnawing in my insides. I woke up on Monday morning and went to the mirror and my worst suspicions were confirmed. I have a spot.

And what's even more annoying is that I really don't get spots. I don't have a huge amount of good features, but my skin has never really caused me any problems or crippling embarrassment. And what have I been eating to cause this? Milkshakes and soups! Not Mars bars and McDonalds like I was a few weeks ago - clearly someone hates me, and clearly they have a vindictive sense of humour.

So, instead of facing my fears and hoping that this guy will accept me for who I am (because that's been working so well for me!) I spent most of the day hiding in toilets and around doors in case I saw him, or trying to work whilst blocking my chin with my hand in case he suddenly appeared.

And frankly I don't even know if I even really like this guy. I hardly know him. Am I just so overcome with gratitude and excitement and the faintest hint of a romance that I'll jump on the first guy who shows the slightest interest?

SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Dull and Dreary

Apparently, I'm dreary.

I was informed of this at work today. A lady that I know reasonably well came up and we had the traditional conversation about how well I'm doing, and how much weight I've lost and how she knows someone who could definitely benefit from the same program and can I give her the number (I really think Howard's Way should be paying me for my advertising services, every pound I shed seems to get them another member!)

Anyway, we went through all that, and at the end she casually mentioned that I should go and get some nice, bright colourful clothes to draw a bit of attention to myself. She walked off and I was left looking down at my clothing, slightly perplexed about what she meant. I'm not the kind of person to draw attention to myself much, but surely I dressed the same as everyone else?

Grey shirt, Black skirt, Black tights and black shoes. Topped off with a black coat and scarf. Not about to dazzle anyone. Then I looked around me at the other people in the room. A riot of colours glared back at me, each one screaming for my attention. Greens, Purples, Reds, Yellows, Oranges... and do you know what? I don't have a single one of those colours in my entire wardrobe.

I really don't. I got home and tore everything out and laid it on my bed, and sorted it in to colours. I had four. Black, Grey, Brown and Navy. Four piles. Four choices. None of them exactly eye catching. And I've honestly never really noticed this before!

And all of these girls in my office, the ones who keep getting promoted and getting asked out and who generally seem to have it together so much more than I do, I'm willing to bet that they all have more than four colour choices in their wardrobes.

So I'm going shopping now, and I'm going to be bold and I'm going to be brave and I'm going to at least double my options. I still don't have a body that I'm proud of or want to draw attention to, and I'm only half way through my diet so still have lots to lose (so it's probably a complete waste of money), but I'm sick of being dreary. I'm sick of being passed by. I'm sick of not being worth looking at.

I know that the clothes I've chosen have been almost entirely dictated by my insecurities about my weight, but none of the other girls in my office have perfect bodies (far from it) and that doesn't seem to stop them being bright and confident. My turn.

The pupil becomes the master

Have been overtaken by an uncontrollable urge to dance today. All day long I've been pirouetting, moonwalking and making jazz hands at opportune moments and I have no idea why!

Normally this is the result of watching Dirty Dancing/High School Musical/Other classics of the genre, but today I have no idea- I'm just absurdly happy!

Spent the day at my Mums, which is always fun. She's thinking of doing this diet too, and I ALMOST found myself doing what other people have done to me; the old "oh you don't need to lose weight" because they're too uncomfortable around the subject to offer a real opinion. I stopped myself just in time, and told her all about it (technology and Mum don't go that well together, not sure she'd be ready for the idea of reading a website just yet).

So I spent the afternoon showing off my newly acquired knowledge about fatty acids and the difference between good carbohydrates and bad carbohydrates etc, feeling very superior. It was interesting for me, because if my Mum doesn't know this stuff, exactly where was I supposed to learn it from? I have no intention of turning in to some Jamie Oliver-esq hippie rushing around schools and pushing pamphlets about the power of wholegrain under people's noses, but I honestly didn't know this stuff! And if I didn't know it, no wonder I kept putting on pound after pound (although admittedly I did know that chocolate cake was bad and that didn't stop me much.)

Would I have become 6 stone overweight if I'd known all of the things I'm learning about now? Would I have paid attention if someone had tried to teach me before I had hit rock bottom? Who knows, and I'm not trying to pass the buck on to society/advertising/peer pressure or anything like that, but do you want to know what I learnt about in food technology at school?

We did one term making Christmas cakes, one term making soups, and one term making sandwiches. Seriously, I did a whole 12 weeks learning how to make sandwiches!! I honestly don't remember anyone mentioning that if I ate white bread instead of brown for the next 5 years I'd wind up on a Doctor's couch hearing the words "morbidly obese" followed by "severe coronary complications."

What have I become!!!

I have officially become a smug health freak. Not entirely sure how it happened, but slowly over the past three weeks I appear to have transformed in to one of the formerly despised 'health food shoppers' who walk around Sainsbury's looking in to other people's baskets and muttering about the effects of various food products on their insides.

I found myself in Tescos today with my big bro to get officially weighed (my scales are wonderfully encouraging, but perhaps not as accurate as they might be), and actually caught myself judging other people by what they had in their trolleys! I saw a woman with crisps and chocolate, and a bunch of screaming kids who were clearly not in need of any more sugar, and tutted something about blood sugar and glucose under my breath. Then I saw another woman with nothing but a watermelon in her basket, and found myself giving her an approving smile as I passed.

So it's happened. A little knowledge is clearly a dangerous thing in my case! Reading up on what is, and what isn't good to put in my body has become something of an addiction! I've spent a lot of the day on Wikipedia and reading my Howard's Way bumpf, and being completely overwhelmed and scared about the past 20 odd years of putting just about anything in my mouth, I think I'm finally starting to figure a few things out.

I heard of this great game the other day, which I thought we could all play to make the time pass. You have to pick less than 5 items from a supermarket, and you have to make the checkout girl gasp. Simple enough? My brother's girlfriend's sister came up with one, which I think is going to be just impossible to beat:

2 items: a pregnancy test and a pack of wire clothes hangers.

Bet she got some pretty darned weird looks!

So that's today's story. I have been freaking out checkout girls whilst slowly transforming in to the sort of person who brings their own supply of microbiotic foods to parties and wont let their kids eat anything except milk. Oh wait, that's Madonna.